Bill and Juanita, owners of Allenspark Lodge B&B, are living their dream...

running a successful business and riding as often as possible.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

My Less Favorite Walk. By Me. Ranger the Horse.

One of the two legged barn apes that hangs around here (Estes's human) has a contest for bad walks.  She sayed that Beel or Nita can't enter the contest, I think cause they are her parents or cause they have a bunch of bad rides that would scare people.  So Beel sayed I could tell a story.

Early one day, in the still dark, a few summers ago, I saw Beel drive away with the rolling horse house behind the stinky truck.  I thought that was kind of weird, cause there weren't no horses in it.  But peoples do really confusing stuff all of the time, so I didn't think much about it.  He came back later in another car, without the wagon.

Beel and another gal, Elsa walked up to me and caught me and another horse I knew a little bit, Coontail.  They strapped the chairs on our backs, put the iron bars in our mouths and said we were going for a LONG walk today.

I hate when that happens.

The sun had been back working again for just a few chews when we left.  We went up the trail like we mostly do, and everything was usual.  We walked a LONG time, and finally got to the far-place, where we ALWAYS turn around.


We kept walking and went down a steep trail, and crossed a HUGE, RAGING, RIVER!  It was so full, Beel's feets almost got wet while he was sitting in my back chair!  Okay, he's purdy tall and I'm purdy not tall, but still.  Then we walked next to  the raging river for a LONG time.  Finally Beel and Elsa told Coontail and me to stop, and they took the chairs off and the iron bars out of our mouths so we could eat.

We had stopped at the BEST PLACE ON EARTH!  Warm sun!  Lots of sweet grass!  A whole river of water to drink!  Beel had finally done it.  He found horse heaven.  He done good.  While we were all eating, I heard the peoples talking.  "Well, we are almost halfway there."

What?  No, you don't understand.  We ARE there, Beel.  Where else would we want to be?  You are talking like a dog.  We can just stay here and eat.  We don't have to run around just to run around, that would be crazy!  But the chairs went back on, and the bars back in after just a taste of sweet, sweet grass.  Okay, maybe it was more that one bite, but still...

We walked along the river for a long time, and then went up a cliff.  It was terrible.  It went straight up and almost hit the sun!  Beel MADE me go.  It was terrible.  I stopped halfway up and told him he was a lunatic.  He kicked and swatted and cussed, but I had made my mind up.  No. More.

He finally climbed off and led me. "Oh, okay." I thought.  "If you are willing to climb the cliff, I guess I'll follow."

We climbed for many, many steps, until finally we ran out of hill.  "That was terrible." I told Beel.  "If it was so flipp'n horrible, why did Coontail make it just fine?" Beel yelled very meanly.  "Because Elsa is very small, and you are a BIG DUMB MONSTER." I stated.

Beel climbed back into my back chair and we went along the trail at the top of the cliff for a long, long time.  Then the trail ran into a gravel road.

I HATE gravel roads.  The gravels hurt my poor bare feet.  There was a LOT of gravel road.

We finally reached a gate.  Beel got off of my back and sayed "It's locked."

His brain must have been cooked by the sun, 'cause he can ALWAYS open gates.

Not this time.

He took my lead rope and walked for EVER down the fence till he found a loose spot in the wires.

Now, let me tell you about barbed wires.  THEY HURT!  They cut you and make you blood all over your chest and they are about the scariest things ever (except for flags).

Beel stepped on the wires until they smashed to the ground, and then he MADE ME STEP OVER THEM!!!  I am really brave, so I did after a while.  Then Coontail saw how brave I was, and he walked over them, too.  Beel tied the wires on to the little posts, and we went back to the road.

It would have been easier to use the gate.

We went down the road for a long, long time until we finally got to the WORST PLACE ON EARTH.  There were houses, dogs, the gravel road, parked cars, mail boxes, FLAGS!!!  I couldn't believe it.

I stopped.  "YOU ARE THE WORST LEADER EVER, BEEL.  WE WENT FROM HEAVEN TO HELL, AND I AM NOT HAPPY."  I wouldn't ever move again.  He kicked, and swatted, and cussed.  But I had made my mind up.  No. More.

He finally climbed off and led me. "Oh, okay." I thought.  "If you are willing to walk in hell, I guess I'll follow."

We walked for a LONG time, and suddenly, the houses were gone, the dogs were gone, the parked cars were gone, the mail boxes were gone  and the FLAGS were gone!  Okay, this was better.  Beel climbed back on my back and we walked for a LONG time.

Then we got to a place I remembered!  GRASS!  NICE TRAIL!  WATER!  And suddenly we were at the rolling horse house and stinky truck!  I jumped right in, 'cause it ALWAYS goes to a good place, and it was getting dark.

That was my most horriblest walk ever, cause I thought for sure Beel had lost his mind.

I'm glad he found it.


  1. Aww Ranger, I'm with you, Beel is a big meanie! lol

  2. Oh Ranger, was it really that bad? I think it sounds like a pretty neat ride for the most part. The raging river sounds a little scary though. Oh and the vertical cliff up to the sun....he he.

  3. Good thing you didn't bust into a ball of Ranger Fire climbing that ginormous mountain cliff into the sun!!

    Glad you survived that nasty walk Ranger. Glad you let mean ol Beel live too ;)


  4. I guess it's a good thing you didn't buck Beel off and go back to that really pretty spot with all the grass. Good boy, Ranger!

  5. Aww Ranger, I really enjoyed that ride!! It didn't seem that long! Heck I swear it was only 25 miles or so... You're so dramatic about these things!


  6. Oh Lordy Beel... I have a cold and you just set off about twenty coughing fits while I tried not to wake up the menfolk (who be sleeping in front of their Facebook screen).

    I am still cracking up about Heaven to Hell part... because you are just a big mean monster to make your poor horse do that. Though it sounds like he mighta sorta have you trained a bit on that dismount and walk thing ;)

    The best part...? I can TOTALLY picture you telling this in person!


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