Teacher

This is Ranger.  The horse.

On some times we the horses of my herd go to other places to live.  For this cold time we went to the place where my foot cutter keeps his horses.  There were many other horses.

*Bill-   Our farrier has 10 or 12 other horses he was wintering on his pasture.*

Beel.  I am telling this.  Do not talk.

I had to teach the new horses how to be. 
They must not eat next to me.  They must not look at me mean.  They must go away when I look at them mean.  All of the important things that horses should know.  I am a good teacher.

I am such a good teacher that Beel sometimes takes me to stay with his stump daubers horses.

*Bill-   That's my "step daughters' horses".*

Beel  it would be better if you were quiet.  His stop doggers horses need teaching.  One of them still looks at me mean.  I just leave because I think he may be crazy.  The two mares are smarter and nice to me a lot of the time.

*Bill-  My "Step daughters' horses need teaching".*

Beel stop talking.  I am also in charge for teaching Beels stoop downer and her hugs band how and when to feed the horses.

*Bill-  My "step daughter and her husband".*

Beel. Could you just not.

*Bill-  Sorry.*

On some times the food comes nicely and that is good.  Sometimes the food does not come and that is bad.  I will tell the peoples when they are doing it wrong.

On one time the food ran out.  That was bad.  So the huds band brought hay in the stinky truck.  That was good.  But he parked the truck right next to the fence and did not bring it in to the food place inside the fence.  That was bad. 

He telled me "I do not have time to put the food in blah blah blah."

I looked at the hay on the stinky truck.  I looked at the food place in our yard.

He telled me "I need help unloading blah blah blah"

I looked at the hay on the stinky truck.  I looked at the food place in our yard.

He sayed "We will do it later blah blah blah."

I looked at the hay on the stinky truck.  I looked at the food place in our yard.

He sayed "Just reach across the fence and eat it out of the back of the truck blah blah blah"

THEN HE WENTED AWAY.

Peoples can be VERY HARD to train.

So then I had to train all of the other horses to eat from the truck.  But only when I was done eating.  Because there was only one side to eat from.  And I eat first.

It is very lucky I am such a good teacher.  It is very helpful to Beel and his steep dotter.

*Bill-  Close enough professor.*

A Bad Thing Almost

This is Ranger.  The horse.

On the day before this day we the whole herd almost starved to death.

Many days ago more horses moved into my herd.  We barely had enough food before the new horses comed.  Then the new horses started to eat here.  We barely had enough food still.  We would run out of food just after the sun wented up and the peoples would bring more food before we died much.  I was not happy but it was okay.

On the day before this day the food was gone away before the sun EVEN WENTED AWAY!  We would have gotted dead.  I think the new horses eated too much of the food.

It was a good thing I knowed what I needed to do.

I yelled and yelled and yelled.  A people from the next door people barn commed over and gived me some grass so I stopped yelling while I chewed.  But I runned out of grass so I yelled and yelled and yelled.

Beel finally wented over to find out why I yelled.  I showed him the no food in the food places.

It taked a long time for Beel to understand and I had to show him a lot.  But he finally understanded.  Beel broughted more foods for all of us the horses to eat.

It is very hard to train peoples.  It is even more harder to train the doe-mestic peoples.   You have to be slow and con-sistant . 

I think they are not too smart.

Ranger.  The horse.

The New Guy

This is Ranger.  The horse.

There is a new guy in my herd.  Beel says it is okay for him to stay with me and eat the food we have.  There seems to be enough food so I think it is okay for now.

Beel calls the new horse "Al"-something.  Beel spends too much time with the "Al"-thing.  He brushes it and sometimes HE GIVES IT TREATS.  Beel always brushes me after.  And he gives me treats too.  But it is not right for him to be with the "Al"-kid.  I AM BEELS HORSE.  That is the way it is.  That is the way it should be.

When food comes the "Al"-ish will wait nicely until I have started eating.  Then he will come and ask nicely if he can eat with me.  That is the way it should be.  I do not bite or kick him much because he is good.  "That Mare" will also let the "Al"-it eat with her sometimes  Because he is poe-light.  And he asks nicely.  "The Kid" is not nice to the "Al"-horse even when the "Al"-guy is nice..  Beel says that is because The Kid is a jerk.

On one day Beel did come out and he sitted on my back and I walked around.  The "Al"-boy was very confused and followed Beel and me for a while.  It was good for Beel to sit on my back because I am Beels horse and that is the way it should be.  Beel sayed I looked very smug when he gotted off my back.  I think "smug" must mean handsome.

On this day Beel and the little person Beel calls Spring or Fall or Summer or something camed to us and putted head ropes on all of us the horses.  Winter putted a back chair on The Kid and Beel putted a back chair on me.  Then the Fall girl sitted on The Kid and dragged That Mare and Beel sitted on me and I dragged the Al-low.  We dragged all of the other horses around for some time.  Then we wented home.  Every one was nice and quiet and nobody bited or kicked or nothing.  I am very good at the training. Beel was very happy and I was happy too.

And that is the way it should be.



Ranger the horse.

October Ride

B-  Hey Ranger!  You wanna go for a ride?

R-  No Beel.  You make me tired.

B-  Okay, how 'bout you carry the granddaughter instead of me, and I'll ride Washoe.

R-  That would be good Beel.  She is not fat.

B-  Great! Then we...wait.  Are you saying I'm fat?

R-  Like a moose.

B-  You are just getting old.

R-  And you are mean like a moose too.  I heared one of the peoples call one of the moose monsters  Beel-winkel on this morning.

B-  "Bullwinkle".  And careful, that would make you the squirrel.

B-   So, this would be a good time to try the new device on Washoe.  He has a REAL eating disorder,  JCS syndrome.   Just. Can't. Stop.  So he gets a "NibbleNot" on his halter.

R-  You sayed it looked like some lawn-jer-hay on his face.  I do not know what that is.

B-  Lingerie.  It looks like he stuck his head in a laundry basket and came out with a nose thong.

R-  He looks strange.

 

B-  Let's see if it works.  

B-  Nothing to eat here

 


B-  Nope, can't get a bite!

B-  Still nope.

B-  Ha! Nothing!

B-  So sad.

B-  Why bother.

R-  I know the rule about no eating when I am doing work.

B-  Wait a minute!  What's that?

R-  She sayed I could.

B-  She just didn't say no fast enough and you forgot what you were doing.  Squirrel.

R-  Moose.

The Sleep-over

This is Ranger.  The horse.

Many sun-ups ago Beel and Waneeta wented and telled us the horses that we gotted a job to do.  We needed to teach some other horses how to walk outside.  This sounded strange to me.  Maybe the others were crazy like dogs and only ran outside.

B-  Now Ranger, it was only about 3 days ago, and we told you our daughter and her husband's horses had never been ridden in the mountains and we needed you guys to help them get over any fear out on the trails.  So we needed to introduce our herds to each other so we could ride together in the mountains later this fall.

Beel I am saying this story.   Not you.

B-  Sorry.  

Beel and Waneeta putted all us the horses in the rolling shed behind the stinky truck and  we wented to a different horse place.

I knowed some of the other horses.  We had eated and sleeped in the same place before.  But there was a new mare that was new.  She did try to kick me very hard.  So I wented away from her.  She did try again.  So I wented away again.  She did try again so I maked her stop.

B-  That was really amazing watching you, at about 30 years old, chase that  young mare around.  You were running backwards faster than I can run forward.  And kicking to boot!

Beel it would be better if you were quiet.

B-  Right.  My bad.

Then it was time to put That Mare in with the new herd.

B-  Yeah.  Jesse is the lead mare in our herd and she wasn't about to take any guff from

Beel.

B-  Oops.

That Other Mare telled them all she was boss mare.  Again and again. A lot of times.  Then they sayed yes.

Then the kid wented in.  Most times The Kid is not smart and makes fights with everyhorse that is new.  This time he just breathed their air and walked away.  He did not fight them.  They did not fight him.  I think the new horses were tired of getting kicked on.

Then we the horses all eated and sleeped.  Then the dark came so we eated.  And sleeped.  Then the sun came back so we eated.  And sleeped.

One of the new horses scratched each other with That Mare.  I think he liked her.  He cried when we leaved at a later.

We getted back into the rolling shed and wented home.

B-  All  three of the horses in our daughters and her husbands herd were missing some patches of hair, or had dents from being kicked.  Not bad mind you, but every one of them.  There wasn't a mark on our herd.  I think you guys are better fighters.  Or just mean.  Herd merging should be much less exciting  next time.  The hierarchy has been set.  Trail rides are eminent!

You were very wrong Beel.  The other horses walked just fine outside.  They only runned when chasing was happening.

The chicken birds there did not walk to good though.

Ranger.  The horse.



 

 

Sit. Stay.

This is Ranger.  The horse.

In the hot time of the year Beel and Waneeta do not take us horses for many walks.  I think they do not visit with us much because there are many people visiting them in the people barn.  That is good.  Because it is hot.

On a day some days ago Beel wented to me and sayed "Hey Buddy!  We're taking some time off and going camping!"  He was very excited.  I thinked maybe cam-ping is a scary thing.

Beel and Waneeta putted head ropes on us the horses and putted us in the rolling shed behind the stinky truck.  There was hay in the rolling shed.  That was good. The Kid had hay.  That Mare had had.  And I had hay.

We wented past the cons-truck-shun workers that were making big holes by the road and moving pipe monsters.  Beel and Waneeta talked to them and then we wented away.  In the rolling shed.  With my hay.

We drived for many times.  Then we gotted to the cam-ping place.  Beel and Waneeta put up the little fence with the biting wire and let us not be in the rolling shed anymore.

It was not good.

There was not enough grass for me.  And That Mare and The Kid were eating it.  Definitely not good.

But then Waneeta   gived me hay in the tangled rope and that was good.  She also gived hay to the other horses.  Then Beel and Waneeta gived me water.  That was good.

Then Beel and Waneeta sitted down.  Only.  They just sitted there.  They did no thing.  When the sun wented away they getted into the rolling shed for some time.  Then Beel used words of power and then he sayed "Forgot to feed the horses."  He getted out of the rolling shed and putted a brick of hay in with me.  That was good.  Then Beel wented into the rolling shed again and I think he sleeped.

The Kid and That Mare and me fighted with the hay brick for many times.   It wented everywhere on the ground when we broke it.  Very good.  We banged on the rolling shed all night so Beel and Waneeta would know where we were and not worry.  All night.

When the sun was here again Beel and Waneeta getted out of the rolling shed and sitted there.  They drinked some cough-fee.  But mostly they just sitted there.

When the sun was hot they tooked us for a walk.  We the horses walked.  Beel and Waneeta just sitted on us. I only getted a little tired.

Then we eated grass.  That was good.  Beel just sitted there.

At the not so hot time Beel and Waneeta went away. Beel sayed "We're walking to have dinner at the restaurant a half mile away with a couple friends.  Be good!"   At almost dark they getted back.  Then they sitted.  Then they wented to bed.

When the sun gotted back Beel and Waneeta woked up.  Then they sitted.  They drinked cough-fee.  Then they sitted.

Finally they getted up and putted the biting fence away and putted us the horses back into the rolling shed and we wented home.  I had hay.  That was good.

When we getted home I sawed that the holes were gone but the pipe monsters were crouching under the dirt. I will need to look at those more later.

 My peoples talked to the cons-truck-shun workers.  "Looks good!  Those culverts should last a hundred years." And "Yup, we had a very relaxing trip."

I feel very bad for Beel and Waneeta.  They could not have had a good time on this cam-ping trip.

They never eated any hay.

Ranger.  The horse.

Feats of Bravery

B-  How's my horse today?

R-  I feel good Beel.

B-  So Ranger, I see Anton the farrier made it by today and gave you an equine pedicure this morning.  How do your feet feel now?

R-  I feel good Beel.  You do not listen so good.  Ant-on is an ear-a-tating people.

B-  I'm sure you were very annoyed with him, but I just thought your feet might feel better now.  They had gotten pretty long on that soft winter pasture we had you guys on.

R-  I like the cold time place.  It has foods growing out of the ground.

B- I'm sure you do like it.  But you get fat and long of hoof there.

R-  Fat is good Beel.  It makes you safe.

B-  I'm not sure it made you feel safe the other day when the two moose showed up, while you were eating out in front of the lodge.

R-  Moose monsters are very bad and scary.

B-  Is that why you hid behind me when the two of them started crossing the road to visit with you?

R-  I have heared you tell other peoples to stand behind something so the moose monsters can not see them.

B-  Trust me, you can still be seen when you are hiding behind me.  Jerk.  I think they just thought you were a moose, too.  Til they got close enough to see you were actually just a chicken.  Bwaaak buckbuckbuck...

R-  I am a horse Beel.

B-  Buckbuck bwaaak...

R-  And you are an ear-a-tater.

Horse Kids Come Home 3/13/16

B-  Hey Ranger!  How's the old horse today?

R-  Good Beel.  Do you have treats?

B-  Yup.  And while you're eating... here's a halter!

R-  Beel that is not how we do it.  You tricked me.  I'm supposed to run away for some many times.

B-  Nope.  You're caught.  Let's get to the trailer.

R-  Beel.  The rolling shed do not smell like me any more.  It smells like others.

B-  Right again.  Juanita will write a blog about that.  I'll read it to you later.

                 **************************

We were called into action this weekend to transport GunDiva's and Jay’s horses to the Rocky Mt. Horse Expo.  They had entered a couple of the Mustang Days competitions, but their horses saw fit to not want to load into a very small trailer in the dark in the wee hours of the morning.  After 1 ½ hrs. of try, the kids opted to leave the horses home and head for the Expo, where they had volunteered to work the US Wild Horse & Burro booth each day.

 We had planned on being there also, so we said we would go get the horses.  We hitched up our trailer – considerably bigger than theirs – and headed to get the horses.  Of course, the horses had time to think things over, knew our trailer, and gave in.  I walked into the corral with two halters and Skeeter walked right up to me, stuck her head in the halter, then followed me to Copper, who also just stuck his head in.  I left both of them standing there while I checked on the repairs Bill was making to the hitch.  Neither had moved when I got back.  They very smartly stepped into the trailer and we were on our way.

We spent the next three days having a great time at the Expo (a different blog) and decided that when we took the horses back, we would just pick ours up on the way home, being as we were already off the mountain.  We left Denver shortly after noon, dropped Skeeter and Copper off at their home and headed for our winter pasture outside Lyons.

We pulled off Hwy 66 at 3:03 p.m., drove the ½ mile to the pasture and pulled into the field.  We saw Washoe in the middle of the 40-acre field and by the time Bill had turned the rig around and I had closed the fence opening, he had trotted most of the way to us. Bill opened the back of the trailer while I collected halters from the truck.  When I turned around I saw Washoe peeking at me from the open doorway; he was ready to load himself!

Now we had not pre-planned on picking up the horses, so had not taken our halters with us.  There was one extra rope halter in the trailer tack area, and my mecate was at GunDiva's house.  She had also said we could use any halter we found there, so Bill had picked up one.  We figured we could make do since both of my horses load on voice command and neither gets tied in the trailer.

When Washoe met us at the trailer, he got the rope halter so I could lead him back across the field to find the other two horses.  They like to stay around behind the neighbor’s house and socialize with the pig; we also suspect they get treats from people in the house. 

When we had crossed to nearly the last area, Jesse finally noticed us and came wandering over – which is about the best she can do right now (read Weight blog).  I put the mecate bit on her, but she felt insulted so I took it off and just looped the lead rein around her neck.  Ranger finally decided to follow along.  Now, Bill had sort of hidden his halter inside his jacket (cheater) and showed Ranger the treat bag.  When Bill put his arm around his neck for a hug, carrying the lead along too, Ranger was caught.  Fastest time ever!  We walked the three back to the trailer and loaded up.  We were back on Hwy 66 at 3:31 p.m.  Less than ½ hour total.

When we got back to the lodge, I went inside and retrieved Jesse’s halter.  She had loaded and ridden with nothing on.  When we opened the door, she stepped out and stood by me while I put her halter on and she gave me lots of horsey hugs while we waited for the others to unload.  

When they got in their corral, Washoe rolled, Jesse checked out the salt block and Ranger headed for the creek.  Zero excitement.  Now we are getting snowed on so everything is normal.  We ALWAYS get snow when we bring them back – even though it was 64* and sunny when we picked them up!

Bionic Cowgirl

                **************************************

B-  So, Ranger, that's why the trailer smelled like other horses.

R-  Beel on this day it is doing the white falling thing.

B-  Sorry buddy.  We're much higher up here, and we got 4 inches of snow today.

R-  I was more happy with the pigs.

Weight a Minute

B-  Ranger!  Jesse!  Washoe!   TREATS!

B-  Hey Washoe.  Here, Juanita will give you some dried pancakes.  Boy, your gut makes you look pregnant.

B-  Jesse!  You can have some.  Wow.  You're looking preggers, too.  At least you are a mare...

B-  Jeeze.  Ranger is still way out there.

B-   Ranger!  Drag your portly, pot belly over here and I'll give you some treats!

R-  I am going to where you are Beel.  Be more calm.

B-  Howdy Ranger.  How's my horse doing?  You guys are all putting on the pounds here on winter pasture.  This hay field is starting to green up.  We need to move you off it and take you all back home.

R-  This is a good place to be Beel.  It has foods. It has waters. It has no head ropes.  It has no back chairs.

B-  You're getting soft with your time off, old man.  Next week we'll get you three back up the mountain and start riding.  

R-  I like being at this place Beel.  It has nice neighbors.

B-  Those are pigs, Ranger.  You are sharing your water trough with pigs.

R-  They are nice.  They do not say we are being fat. 

B-  Pigs are expected to be fat.  Horses, not so much.  You need to go on a diet.

R-  Where do I go to get on that?  

B-  No no.  A diet is when you eat less food and lose some weight.

R-  Oh.  A die eat.  I do not want go climb on that.  It is called starving.  It is bad.

B-  Now, there is no way we would let you starve...

R-  Good.  I will stay here.  With the nice pigs. 

B-  No sir, next week you all are heading home to limited rations.

R- It is okay if I am fat.  You sit on me.  I almost never sit on you.  
 
R- You should go home and die eat.

Hair Do/Don't

B-  Hey, buddy!  Sorry we haven't been down to visit you guys lately.  It's been pretty active up at the lodge and we haven't been able to get away.

R-  What do you need to get away from Beel?

B-  I mean we were just busy...
 
R-  It works good if you run away from things you need to get away from.

B-  I'm not sure that would be the right way to handle...

R-  Or kick them.  That works really good.

B-   I'm SURE that would be the wrong  way to handle our guests.  But we are here now.  Last time we dropped by we noticed that you guys had picked up a bunch of burrs in your manes and forelocks.  You look like "Alfalfa" and Jesse looks like "Trump".

R-  Alfalfa is good.  And tromping is another good way to get away from things that bother you.

B-  No...I mean... aarg.   Let's just get those burrs out of y'alls hair, okay?  Here's your halter so we can...

R-  Nope.

B-  Aww, come on buddy!  Stop walking away.  I'm just going to brush your hair.

R-  Nope.  When you put my head rope on my head you climb on my back and you are fat.

B-  Stop walking.  I am not fat.  I weigh within 5 pounds of what I weighed 16 years ago when I got you.

R-  Pounds bigger or pounds smaller?

B-  Quit walking away from me.  Five pounds more, but...

R-  Fat.

B-  I'm not fat, and I'm not even going to climb on you today.  I just want to brush your hair.

B-  Look, Jesse, Washoe and Henry are all in the holding pen waiting nicely, and I'm out here walking in circles...

R-  Walking is good for you.  It will make you less fat.

B-  I'M NOT FAT!  YOU ARE JUST GETTING OLD!

R-  Fat and mean.

B-  Oh, right.  you just let Juanita walk up to you and put her arms around your neck.

R-  Waneeta is not mean.  Or fat.  She is nice.

R-  Hello Beel.  It is a good day.  Do you have any treats for me?

B-  Jerk.  Walking off for 20 minutes.  What is wrong with you?

R-  Walking is also a good way to get away Beel.

B-  Jerk.

A Good Week

B-  Nice ride today, Ranger.  You did very well, with no limping at all.

R-  I feel good Beel.

B-  We've gone out, what, four times this week?

R-  Many walks Beel.

B-  That's right.  More than two, is "many".

R-  Sometimes one is two many Beel.

B-  Yeah, yeah.  But you act like you're feeling good again.  We went out for three hours today, counting the picnic, and you were still trotting to get home.

R-  Home is good Beel.  Food is at home.  Water is at home. Standing in the shade is at home.  Not walking up the mountain is at home.

B-  Well, you haven't seemed to mind going out lately.  You don't run away (too much) when I show up with the halter.  That reminds me.  Why have you started walking away from me, rolling in the manure pile, and then coming back to me to get haltered before we go out?  It's really kind of annoying.

R-  Rolling feels good.

B-  But then I have to brush you, a  LOT, before I can saddle you.

R-  Brushing feels good.

B-  Well, just stop it.  Maybe I need to send you to a trainer like our daughter is doing with her horse.  It's learning lots of new things.  Like lowering her head to be haltered and walking nicely behind the person leading her.  You know.  Manners.

R-  Nope.  I do not need man-ers.  I am a horse.  I have good horsers.  That other mare must not know she is a horse.

B-  She knows she's a horse all right.  She's just a polite horse now.  She doesn't go out and roll in the dung when we walk up to catch her.

R-  That is sad.  Not a horse.

B-  SHE'S not sad.  She's happy that she knows what's expected of her.

B-  Maybe we should send you to a trainer.  For say, one lesson?

R-  Like I sayed earlier  Sometimes one is two many Beel.

Krates

B-  Howdy, Ranger!  You're looking pretty perky today.  Let's go around the neighborhood.

R-  Okay Beel.  First I must poop.             
R-  Good. 
R-  Now you can put my head rope on my head.

B-  Wow, buddy.  You are being very cooperative today.

B-  Let's go bareback this afternoon.  This is great!  You're walking very smoothly today.  No limping at all.

R-  It is a very good day Beel.

B-  Say, we have some guests in the back yard that I bet would like to meet you.  Let's cut through the lodge and...

R-  No.

B-  Aww, come on buddy.  We've gone through the lodge before and you were fine.  Why not this time?

R-  On the before time you were walking in front of me.  Now you are sitting on my back.

B-  What difference could that possibly make?

R-  When you are in front of me the monsters will get you because you are slow and not strong.  I can get away.  If you are sitting on me I will be slow.  It is all about monsters Beel.

B-  There ain't no monsters, Ranger.  Ah well,  It's not worth the battle.  We'll just go around the back through the side yard...

R-  MONSTERS BEEL!

B-  GAH!!  Whew.  No Ranger.  They are crates.  Wooden boxes.  You know that when you jump away from stuff like that you have to go up to it and touch it with your nose.  Let's do it.

R-  Okay Beel.   *touch*     But the krate monsters were not there in the before times.

B-  Nope, they're new.  Now let's go talk with the guests.
________________________________________________________

B-  Very good, Ranger.  You were a perfect example of a good mustang.  Now, let's go around...

R-  MONSTERS BEEL!

B-  You moron!  That is the same set of crates that were there 10 minutes ago.  Touch 'em.

R-   *touch*

B-  Allrighty.  Now let's go around the... Oops some new guests just pulled up in the parking lot out front and are looking for the folks sitting out back.  Let's just walk with them back to meet the folks we were just talking with...

R-  MONSTERS BEEL!

B-  RANGER YOU ARE BEING A COMPLETE $#!T.  JUST STOP THAT!  NOW TOUCH THEM.

R-  *touch*
 __________________________________________________________

B-  Okay, introductions are made, let's go out front and around the block.  Wait...Ranger...where...what are you doing...

R-  *touch*   You make me touch the krate monsters every time we go by so I just did.

B-  I only make you touch it because you jump and snort and...  never mind.  Let's go for a walk.

R-  Okay Beel.  It is a very good day.

B-  You're right buddy.  I couldn't agree more.  Let's ride!

Bunch of Sheet

B-  Hey Ranger.  I've got something new for you to try.

R-  I do not like new Beel.

B-  Juanita thought the flies were "bugging" you.  Ha!  Get it buddy?  Bugging?

R-  I am trying to eat here Beel.

B-  No, come on.  We are going to put a fly sheet on you.

 

R-  I do not like this dress Beel.

R-  I sayed I DO NOT LIKE THIS DRESS BEEL.

 

R-  I will wear it but I do not like it.

Baby Sitter

This is Ranger.  The horse.

On the day before this day Beel telled me "Hey Buddy, we're going on a road trip.  Trailer tires, and then you go stay with our daughter and son in law's horses for a couple days.  You'll be baby sitting Copper while we take the mare to film an episode of  Horse Master."

I do not understand.

I went alone into the rolling shed behind the stinky truck.  The Mare and That Kid did not go with me.  That was not the usual.

We stopped at a people filled place that made scary noises like the ga-rage near my home place.  I do not like the sounds.  Beel says the sounds are air-renches and im-pact hamurs.  I do not like them.

The man tooked the black rounds off of the rolling shed.  I was not too scared.  I watched and eated hay.

The man putted the black rounds back on the shed and we wented away.

I do not understand.

Then we wented to The Girls house that had The Other Mare.  There was also another horse now.

Kids.

 I showed them around their yard in case they had not noticed what was there.

I finded hay for them.

Then I telled the new guy that it was my hay because I finded it for them.  It was mine.  He could have some when I was done.  Or he could have some if I could not see him eat.

He was pretty good behaving.  I am sure I will have to tell him again later.  Horses can be not very smart.

Sometimes they do not understand.

Ranger.  The horse.

Testy Moany Al

This is Ranger.  The horse.

  Beel telled me that I was a testy moany Al for the food dirt.  I do not know what that means.  He sayed I should tell you how I feel now and how I feeled back then.

  When I gotted back from the cold-time-they-do-not-bother-us-place and wented to the hot-time-mountain-living place my legs hurted.

  A lot.
  All of the time.

  When I walked up the hill for morning food I would go very slow and I had to stop a lot. "That Mare" and "The Kid" would push me away from the food place and I was hungry.  And when Beel would take me for walks sitting on me I would go very slow because he gotted very fat over the cold time.  He even started to use a smaller back chair but he was still too fat.

  Then Waneeta started putting dirt food in with my bowl food.  On the first time I smelled it.  But I ate it because...bowl food.  It did not make me sick.  So now I eated it all of the time.

  My feel bad does not hurt any more.  Beel is not fat any more.  "That Kid" goes away when I say so now.  "That Mare" is still a mare though.

  Beel telled me to say that it is not food dirt.  It is "Natural Stride for Horses" and Waneeta buyed it from "Cavallo Horse and Rider".

  Waneeta sayed she is not going to give me food dirt any more if I do not quit kicking and biting "That Kid".

I think she do not know how badly he needs to be kicked and bitten.

Ranger the Horse

The Spring has Sprung

B-  So, Ranger.  What do you know about this?

R-  Go away now Beel.

B-  No, really, horse.  What do you know about this "electric fence gate spring coil" that is stretched to 10 times it's maximum length, the hook/handle is broken off and it was found lying  20 yards from the gate it was supposed to be hooked up to?

R-  That is a very dangerous snake-monster.  It bites.  You are holding it.  Go away now.

B-  This spring was installed less than a month ago.  It replaced the last one that got all stretched out of shape.  Which had replaced the one before THAT that got ruined.  I could never figure out who was destroying these things, until this time, I found a wad of brown and black tail hairs tangled up in it.

R-  It will bite you Beel.  And it will follow you and keep on biting you when you run away Beel.  Go away now.

B-  Both of your pasture mates are white horses.  Only you have brown and black hair.

R-  If you just stand near it it will attack you Beel.

B-  Maybe you should swish you tail just a little further away from the gate from now on?

R-  Maybe you should go away Beel.  It is mean.

Was

Is

It's All About the Grass

B-  Howdy Ranger.  How's my old horse?

R-  Hello Beel.  I am good.  I would be better if I got some grass like the neighbor horses got.

B-  Yeah, it was another round up, Buddy.  All 40 of them got out and took off.  At least until the grass and weeds that bloomed this spring distracted them from their escape. It was pretty easy to convince them to go home and re-hook the panel they pushed open.

R-  I heared you call them bad ducks.  They are horses Beel.  Not ducks.

B-  Yeah Bud, but the tourist season is in full swing.  Ducks is about all I could think of to shout at them that was... okay.  Speaking of bud, grass, weed and tourists, lately we've had dozens of people show up at the lodge looking for the "Bud  Depot" marijuana dispensary.  I finally asked one of them why they thought we were dope dealers.  He said "I have an app on my phone that sent me here."  "Really?" I asked.  "And what makes you think that the app is any less f---ed up than the guy got while he was researching it?"  We just don't sell grass or weed here.

R-  Why would the peoples want to buy grasses?  They grow out of the ground.  You just eat them.

B-  Can't tell you Buddy.  They do seem kind of confused, though.  Maybe I could sell them a zip-lock full of dandelions.  "Here's your weed.  That will be $50."

R-  I like dandelions.  They taste good.  I would still like some grass like the neighbor horses got.

B-  Here you go my friend.  No charge.

Fancy Foot Work

B-  Hey, Ranger!  Let's go for a walk.  You had your feet trimmed a couple days ago and the next day you gimped around a little.  Let's see if you're better now.

R-  Okay Beel.

B-  Juanita is going to walk Reba the lodge dog along with us.  We'll see if the dog is any better at ignoring the BIG SCARY horse.

R-  Ree-bah is a very strange little dog.  Why is it on a rope Beel?

B-  We need to keep her from running off if you scare her.

R-  Why am I on a rope Beel?  I am not scared of the little dog.

B-  I am just going to lead you for a while.  I want to keep the weight off your feet til we see if they are okay.

B- Alrighty, Buddy.  We've gone about a half mile, and you haven't tripped or limped once.  I'll just climb on bare-back and finish up this walk by riding.

R-  All right Beel.

R-  MONSTER COMING DOWN THE ROAD.  WE MUST RUN AWAY.

B-  Ranger, dag-nab it, It's just a...

R-  MONSTER.  IT IS A MONSTER AND WE MUST LEAVE NOW.

B-  Fine, let's step off the road here and let the truck go on...

R-  JUMP. 

B-  Wait-  I'm on you bareback and...


R-   WE MUST JUMP OFF OF THE ROAD AND LET THE MONSTER GO BY.

B-  Now just hold on...

R-  FAST!

B-  ARRRRG!

B-  Whew.  Fine, you jerk.  We're off the road and the truck with the big pipe on it is passing by.

R-  You do not have to worry about Ree-bah being afraid Beel.  She was very brave when the monster went by.

WaSup

B-  Hey Ranger!  What's up?

R-  Trees and birds Beel.

B-  No no.  That's just a greeting like "What's happening?" or "How's tricks?"

R-  I am eating and I do not do tricks.

B-  Boy, that's a fact.  Say, speaking of tricks, yesterday the oldest daughter, her husband and I went to see the finals in the "Extreme Mustang Makeover" contest.  A couple dozen trainers took one unhandled mustang each and spent 3 months training them.  Yesterday was the finals and the best trainer/mustang was chosen.  Those horses could do some amazing stuff! Liberty work, riders cracking whips off them, crossing scary obstacles like tarps and stuff, side passing, roping cattle.  Stuff I couldn't teach you in another 10 years.

R-  Did the train peoples feed the horses?

B-  Yeah, of course!

R-  Did all the peoples leave the horses alone when they ate?

B-  Well, sure.

R-  That would be nice.

B-  Huh.  You saying you would do tricks if I left you alone?

R-  No Beel.  I am saying I am eating.  Leave me alone.

B-  I'll tell you what.  If you will "side pass" for me, I'll let you eat.

R-  What is a "slide-past"?

B-  Side pass. It is when you walk sideways so your side is going first.

R-  That sounds like it might make me hurt.  I think you would have to be crazy like a dog to walk like that.  Walk forward.  Back up.  Turn.  That will make you go anywhere.

B-  Yeah, but if you side on up to a gate, I can open the gate without getting off of you.

R-  You want me to do tricks because you are lazy like a cat.  Climb off.  Open the gate.  We walk through.  Close the gate.  Climb on.  No sliding past.

B-  I guess it's some sort of mustang thing.  The horse that sold for the most at the end of "EMM" was the one that was not going to do ANY of the tricks she had been taught for the "free style" portion of the contest.  It was kind of funny to watch, but that mare had her own agenda for that part of the show, and the trainer could only shake her head in disbelief.  The horse was just done with doing tricks.

R-  She was probably hungry Beel.

B-  Speaking of hungry, we had some "Mule Churned Ice Cream"  It was actually quite good.  Maybe you could get a job with them.  They don't have to side pass.

R-  I hope the mules made you do tricks before they gived you the eye-scream.

Fence

B-  Good mornin' Ranger!  How's the old horse doing today?

R-  I see you Beel.  I am good.

B-  Glad to hear it.  Sorry I haven't been by in the last day or so.  Family picnic at one of the kids' houses.I burned the burgers.  What have you been up to lately?

R-  On one of the days before today one of the next door horses knocked their fence over.  The neighbor horses all runned away and went to the scary road next to us.  Peoples I do not know stopped their little stinky rolling boxes and chased the neighbor horses back off of the scary road.

B-  Yeah, Ranger, I was here when that happened.  The folks came by the lodge and asked us where the people that ran the livery were.  I told them "They've been in my kitchen talking with my wife for the last 5 minutes."  I guess the ponies were just waiting for an unsupervised moment to make their break.

R-  I remember now.  You and Waneeta camed and helped the neighbor peoples chase them back in and set up the fence again.

B-  It was great that those people stopped their cars and helped get them off the highway.  Lives may have been saved.

R-  Then on the day before today I saw the neighbor lady put up a biting wire.

B-  Yeah, I heard her say she was going to put up a hot wire.

R-  I seed one of the bad horses start to walk up to the biting wire to smell it.  The other bad horse pushed him out of the way and touched it first .  He was not happy.  He was not happy all day.

B-  I don't think any of them have ever had experience with electric fences before.  They really smart when you touch them.

R-  He is smarter now.  Just not happy.