Cooking is a Blast

This morning I whipped a couple eggs in a bowl and "power-scrambled"  them  in the microwave.

I pulled them out, and set them on the counter.  As I turned around, I heard a loud "POP" and felt an impact and a burning sensation on the back of my neck.
 
I looked behind me and saw that the cooked eggs had exploded and blown cooked egg fragments all over that end of the kitchen.  On the counter top, on the cabinets, on the walls, on the window, and on the ceiling.  And of course on the back of my neck.

I think maybe I'll call workman's comp. and tell them I was injured in a kitchen eggs-plosion.

Or not.

Bill

Bloody Murder

Wow!

That was one of those once in a lifetime moments.

It had just stopped snowing for a minute, so I ran outside to take some trash out.  (No, that was not the once in a lifetime part, smart @$$).

As I was walking back into the lodge, I heard a crow screaming LOUDLY!  I looked across the street just in time to see what I thought was 2 crows mating, locked in an amorous embrace, drop from the sky and hit the ground about 30 feet from me.  As the crow continued screaming, I caught a flash of lighter colored feathers and realized one of the crows was a hawk.

Then I heard some more crows cawing. and 10 or 20 crows flew down out of the sky and began attacking the hawk, while screaming themselves.

I ran to the door and yelled for Juanita to come FAST, without taking my eyes off of the ongoing rescue operation.

By the time Juanita got to the door there were over 100 crows screaming bloody murder and darting out of the sky taking turns attacking the hawk.  The hawk seemed to decide dinner was off and fled the scene.   All of the crows swarmed him in pursuit, still screaming bloody murder (Except for dinner, who got up, limped around for 30 seconds or so, and then flew off in the other direction.)

The raucous cacophony of crow calling gradually faded as the black cloud of birds pursued their intended quarry with a single minded purpose, off into the distance. 

I stood, heart pounding, and realized 2 things about myself.

1)  I will stop and turn my car around to keep from running over one of these birds lest his whole family decides to take me out.

and

2)  I really have no idea how crows mate.

Bill

Teacher

This is Ranger.  The horse.

On some times we the horses of my herd go to other places to live.  For this cold time we went to the place where my foot cutter keeps his horses.  There were many other horses.

*Bill-   Our farrier has 10 or 12 other horses he was wintering on his pasture.*

Beel.  I am telling this.  Do not talk.

I had to teach the new horses how to be. 
They must not eat next to me.  They must not look at me mean.  They must go away when I look at them mean.  All of the important things that horses should know.  I am a good teacher.

I am such a good teacher that Beel sometimes takes me to stay with his stump daubers horses.

*Bill-   That's my "step daughters' horses".*

Beel  it would be better if you were quiet.  His stop doggers horses need teaching.  One of them still looks at me mean.  I just leave because I think he may be crazy.  The two mares are smarter and nice to me a lot of the time.

*Bill-  My "Step daughters' horses need teaching".*

Beel stop talking.  I am also in charge for teaching Beels stoop downer and her hugs band how and when to feed the horses.

*Bill-  My "step daughter and her husband".*

Beel. Could you just not.

*Bill-  Sorry.*

On some times the food comes nicely and that is good.  Sometimes the food does not come and that is bad.  I will tell the peoples when they are doing it wrong.

On one time the food ran out.  That was bad.  So the huds band brought hay in the stinky truck.  That was good.  But he parked the truck right next to the fence and did not bring it in to the food place inside the fence.  That was bad. 

He telled me "I do not have time to put the food in blah blah blah."

I looked at the hay on the stinky truck.  I looked at the food place in our yard.

He telled me "I need help unloading blah blah blah"

I looked at the hay on the stinky truck.  I looked at the food place in our yard.

He sayed "We will do it later blah blah blah."

I looked at the hay on the stinky truck.  I looked at the food place in our yard.

He sayed "Just reach across the fence and eat it out of the back of the truck blah blah blah"

THEN HE WENTED AWAY.

Peoples can be VERY HARD to train.

So then I had to train all of the other horses to eat from the truck.  But only when I was done eating.  Because there was only one side to eat from.  And I eat first.

It is very lucky I am such a good teacher.  It is very helpful to Beel and his steep dotter.

*Bill-  Close enough professor.*

Late Breakfast

B-  Hey there Ranger!  How's my old horse doing today?

R-  Not good today Beel.

B-  Sorry to hear that.  What's wrong?

R-  We the horses have runned out of food.  Only dirt food.  No feeder food.  I have been telling the peoples here about it.  They do not care.  They want us to all die.

B-  I kind of doubt that buddy.  Our daughter called us this morning and asked for some help unloading a big bale of hay in the corral this morning, so we came down to help.  And then we are going to work y'all.  Our 3 horses and the kids' 3 horses.

R-  I have no food.  I can not work.

B-  Just give us 10 minutes, and we'll have the truck in here and unload.

R-  Dying.

B-  Give me a break.  You guys didn't finish the feeder until about 3 hours ago.

R-  Dying.

***********************************************************

B-  There you go Ranger.  Over 1000 pounds of hay for you guys to eat.

R-  Good.  I will not die today.

B-  But first, let me catch you and brush your "spring shedding" off your fuzzy bod.  Juanita says you look like you belong on the steppes of Mongolia.

R-  I am too weak to run away Beel.  I will go with you.

Brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush Jeeze Ranger you are a mess... brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush This wad of hair off you is the size of a volleyball... brush brush brush brush brush brush brush...

B-  Okay buddy, let me jump on you bareback for a couple minutes to remind you of your job...

B-  Okay my fuzzy little friend, go eat and I'll catch and brush your herd mate, Alloy.

R-  Okay Beel.  I will eat now.

B-  All right  Alloy, I'll catch you and then let's...no, don't run off,  just stand there and I'll... I said don't run off.  Jerk.  Fine.  I'll just keep following you until you just stop running.  I have ALL DAY.

Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......

walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...

B-  Hi Ranger.  Alloy is being bad.

R-  I am eating the food.

Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......

walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...

B-  Hi again Ranger.  Alloy is still being bad, and now one of my daughters horses, Pearl, had decided to "help".  She chases him whenever he stops, since I am OBVIOUSLY chasing him as some sort of punishment.

R-  I am eating the food.

Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......

walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...

B-  Finally!  Pearl got distracted and stopped "helping" and Alloy stood and let me halter him.  Now I can brush him...

R-  I will be eating the food.

B-  Well, about an hour of walking Alloy down just to brush him.  Probably 3 miles of walking and running around in circles.  I'm as tired as I've been in a month of Sundays. 

 R-  You should eat.  But not my food. There is not much.