Showing posts with label R and B. Show all posts
Showing posts with label R and B. Show all posts
Friday, August 31, 2018
Wrong Again
B- Hey there Ranger! How's my old horse today?
R-
B- Aw, come on buddy, you still not talking to me?
R- No Beel.
B- Look, Juanita usually gives you your night feeding, and I didn't know the routine. At least I remembered to feed you.
R- You did it wrong Beel.
B- I said I was sorry. Juanita had to take a neighbor's horse down the mountain to see it's vet. The horse broke into the feed room and ate beet pulp shreds and alfalfa cubes until it "choked", and the whole throat was packed with dried food right up to the top. It took the vet and Juanita and the other gal 4 hours to clear the pack. The horse still isn't out of the woods yet, but it looks hopeful.
R- So that horse got to eat.
B- Sorry-sorry-sorry. With Juanita gone, I had to feed you in a hurry so I could get back to the guests in the lodge. You were only halfway through your beet pulp and senior feed after 10 minutes. So I just dumped it on the mat for you to finish. I hadn't realized it was Washoe's job to eat all of the food you leave behind on the mat...
R- So the sick horse getted to eat. The kid horse getted to eat. And I only eated a little.
I telled Waneeta that Beel should not feed me wrong any more.
B- Not real forgiving, are you buddy.
R- You did it wrong Beel.
B- Ummm, I have carrots...
R- You did it right tonight Beel.
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Been Too Long
B- Hi ya, Ranger! How's my old horse today?
R- Good Beel. The moose monster has not come back for many days.
B- Yeah, you wore kind of freaked out about the yearling next to your pen last month. First you hid behind a fence panel, and then you hid behind Alloy.
R- I was not hiding. I could see him better from those places.
B- You bet. And the moose got a look at two horses and one 800 pound chicken. BAUUK-BUCK-AUUK!
R- You would not have even seen the moose monster if I had not showed it to you. You are not observant.
R- On the day before this day I wented for a walk with you sitting on me.
B- Yeah. It had been MONTHS since we went out. I've been working with Alloy lately
R- Al-nuts putted you on the dirt again.
B- Yeah. He's dumped me a half dozen or so times. You "grounded" me 20 or so times.
R- I have skills.
B- It was very nice you didn't put any of those skills to work on me yesterday. It was a very pleasant, short ride. You did quite well for an old guy.
R- I am not old. I runned many times.
B- You did break into a trot 3 or 4 times to catch up with my daughter and Skeeter. But that was mostly because you were poking along.
R- I was having a very nice walk.
B- We should do that again soon.
R- The picnic at the end was a good part. That is what we should do again.
R- Good Beel. The moose monster has not come back for many days.
B- Yeah, you wore kind of freaked out about the yearling next to your pen last month. First you hid behind a fence panel, and then you hid behind Alloy.
R- I was not hiding. I could see him better from those places.
B- You bet. And the moose got a look at two horses and one 800 pound chicken. BAUUK-BUCK-AUUK!
R- You would not have even seen the moose monster if I had not showed it to you. You are not observant.
R- On the day before this day I wented for a walk with you sitting on me.
B- Yeah. It had been MONTHS since we went out. I've been working with Alloy lately
R- Al-nuts putted you on the dirt again.
B- Yeah. He's dumped me a half dozen or so times. You "grounded" me 20 or so times.
R- I have skills.
B- It was very nice you didn't put any of those skills to work on me yesterday. It was a very pleasant, short ride. You did quite well for an old guy.
R- I am not old. I runned many times.
B- You did break into a trot 3 or 4 times to catch up with my daughter and Skeeter. But that was mostly because you were poking along.
R- I was having a very nice walk.
B- We should do that again soon.
R- The picnic at the end was a good part. That is what we should do again.
Monday, April 9, 2018
Late Breakfast
B- Hey there Ranger! How's my old horse doing today?
R- Not good today Beel.
B- Sorry to hear that. What's wrong?
R- We the horses have runned out of food. Only dirt food. No feeder food. I have been telling the peoples here about it. They do not care. They want us to all die.
B- I kind of doubt that buddy. Our daughter called us this morning and asked for some help unloading a big bale of hay in the corral this morning, so we came down to help. And then we are going to work y'all. Our 3 horses and the kids' 3 horses.
R- I have no food. I can not work.
B- Just give us 10 minutes, and we'll have the truck in here and unload.
R- Dying.
B- Give me a break. You guys didn't finish the feeder until about 3 hours ago.
R- Dying.
***********************************************************
B- There you go Ranger. Over 1000 pounds of hay for you guys to eat.
R- Good. I will not die today.
B- But first, let me catch you and brush your "spring shedding" off your fuzzy bod. Juanita says you look like you belong on the steppes of Mongolia.
R- I am too weak to run away Beel. I will go with you.
Brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush Jeeze Ranger you are a mess... brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush This wad of hair off you is the size of a volleyball... brush brush brush brush brush brush brush...
B- Okay buddy, let me jump on you bareback for a couple minutes to remind you of your job...
B- Okay my fuzzy little friend, go eat and I'll catch and brush your herd mate, Alloy.
R- Okay Beel. I will eat now.
B- All right Alloy, I'll catch you and then let's...no, don't run off, just stand there and I'll... I said don't run off. Jerk. Fine. I'll just keep following you until you just stop running. I have ALL DAY.
Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......
walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...
B- Hi Ranger. Alloy is being bad.
R- I am eating the food.
Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......
walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...
B- Hi again Ranger. Alloy is still being bad, and now one of my daughters horses, Pearl, had decided to "help". She chases him whenever he stops, since I am OBVIOUSLY chasing him as some sort of punishment.
R- I am eating the food.
Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......
walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...
B- Finally! Pearl got distracted and stopped "helping" and Alloy stood and let me halter him. Now I can brush him...
R- I will be eating the food.
B- Well, about an hour of walking Alloy down just to brush him. Probably 3 miles of walking and running around in circles. I'm as tired as I've been in a month of Sundays.
R- You should eat. But not my food. There is not much.
R- Not good today Beel.
B- Sorry to hear that. What's wrong?
R- We the horses have runned out of food. Only dirt food. No feeder food. I have been telling the peoples here about it. They do not care. They want us to all die.
B- I kind of doubt that buddy. Our daughter called us this morning and asked for some help unloading a big bale of hay in the corral this morning, so we came down to help. And then we are going to work y'all. Our 3 horses and the kids' 3 horses.
R- I have no food. I can not work.
B- Just give us 10 minutes, and we'll have the truck in here and unload.
R- Dying.
B- Give me a break. You guys didn't finish the feeder until about 3 hours ago.
R- Dying.
***********************************************************
B- There you go Ranger. Over 1000 pounds of hay for you guys to eat.
R- Good. I will not die today.
B- But first, let me catch you and brush your "spring shedding" off your fuzzy bod. Juanita says you look like you belong on the steppes of Mongolia.
R- I am too weak to run away Beel. I will go with you.
Brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush Jeeze Ranger you are a mess... brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush brush This wad of hair off you is the size of a volleyball... brush brush brush brush brush brush brush...
B- Okay buddy, let me jump on you bareback for a couple minutes to remind you of your job...
B- Okay my fuzzy little friend, go eat and I'll catch and brush your herd mate, Alloy.
R- Okay Beel. I will eat now.
B- All right Alloy, I'll catch you and then let's...no, don't run off, just stand there and I'll... I said don't run off. Jerk. Fine. I'll just keep following you until you just stop running. I have ALL DAY.
Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......
walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...
B- Hi Ranger. Alloy is being bad.
R- I am eating the food.
Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......
walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...
B- Hi again Ranger. Alloy is still being bad, and now one of my daughters horses, Pearl, had decided to "help". She chases him whenever he stops, since I am OBVIOUSLY chasing him as some sort of punishment.
R- I am eating the food.
Walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk......
walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk...
B- Finally! Pearl got distracted and stopped "helping" and Alloy stood and let me halter him. Now I can brush him...
R- I will be eating the food.
B- Well, about an hour of walking Alloy down just to brush him. Probably 3 miles of walking and running around in circles. I'm as tired as I've been in a month of Sundays.
R- You should eat. But not my food. There is not much.
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
The Forgotten
R- I am good Beel.
B- I haven't had a chance to ask you how your stay with our daughters horses went when we went on vacation a couple weeks ago.
R- It was good Beel.
B- Yeah. We didn't think you would be able to handle the long drive and then a couple days of riding, so we took you down to the "sitters" for a while.
R- It taked many days.
B- Yup. We took you down a day early to save us about 2 hours of extra driving with the other horses in the trailer. It gave us an early start.
R- I getted into the rolling shed at a place that was not the usual.
B- Umm, about that. I had hooked up the trailer, and checked the lights. One of the turn-signal/brake lights wasn't working so I pulled the connector off and fixed it.
R- I getted into the rolling shed at a place that was not the usual Beel.
B- Yeah, so I drove the truck/trailer around to the front of the lodge and then Juanita and I loaded up all of the stuff we needed into the truck. Coffee cups full of coffee, a cooler for groceries we were going to pick up after dropping you off, Juanita's laptop computer so she could take a certification test at our oldest daughters college. That sort of thing.
R- Beel I getted int...
B- So we got into the truck and started heading down the highway, put on an audio book to listen to and then Juanita asked "So, did Ranger load up okay?"
B- "Uh, that would be a no." So I stopped along side the highway, just up the hill from your corral, grabbed a halter and a dog leash (I didn't have a lead rope in the truck), had walked over to get you.
R- It was not the usual. The usual is you remember the horse when you take the horse somewhere.
B- Juanita remembered before we needed to turn around...
R- A dog rope. You are not very much at all.
B- I'm sorry Buddy.
R- I agree. A dog rope.
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Sad
B- Hey buddy! How's it going?
R- Hello Beel. It is good. I have food.
B- Yeah, you've had your head stuck in that feeder non-stop lately. You're getting kinda pot-bellied.
R- I am just doing my job.
B- Your job kinda changed this summer, didn't it. I tend to ride Alloy a lot more than I ride you, now.
R- I have to keep track of the herd now that That Mare is gone. I must eat much. And yell when the others leave so they know where to go home at.
B- That was very sad, wasn't it. She foundered and was in pain. The vet and the farrier thought she would never get better, and she'd always be in pain. So last July, we had to put her down.
R- She got dead.
B- When we put down your herd-mate Shadow seventeen years ago, You looked for him for years afterward. This time I took you over to look at Jesse.
R- She got dead.
B- And you never looked for her afterwards.
R- It would not help. When they get dead they do not eat any more. Or be with the herd. Or yell so I can find my way home.
B- I didn't show her to Washoe. He looked for her for days. I didn't even think about showing her to him. He seems to have stopped looking now, though. And Alloy, the new horse, never really seemed to notice. I thought that was odd because she was his first "friend" in the herd.
R- That Mare always liked dogs and young animals. Al-thing is both.
B- Alloy. And I think he would disagree with your assessment of his heritage. And you were pretty partial to Jesse when she moved in with us, and she was only 5 months old.
R- The mother mare was very old and tired. I needed to help.
B- Jesse's mom was more than willing to let you take over the raising of that filly.
R- I teached her many rules. She did not pee on the food. She maked all new horses follow the rules.
B- She would step right up and take over any herd we introduced her to.
R- Bossy.
B- She was at that. We all miss her.
R- She maked a good mare.
B- Yeah, she was a very good lead mare for the herd.
She is missed.
R- Hello Beel. It is good. I have food.
B- Yeah, you've had your head stuck in that feeder non-stop lately. You're getting kinda pot-bellied.
R- I am just doing my job.
B- Your job kinda changed this summer, didn't it. I tend to ride Alloy a lot more than I ride you, now.
R- I have to keep track of the herd now that That Mare is gone. I must eat much. And yell when the others leave so they know where to go home at.
B- That was very sad, wasn't it. She foundered and was in pain. The vet and the farrier thought she would never get better, and she'd always be in pain. So last July, we had to put her down.
R- She got dead.
B- When we put down your herd-mate Shadow seventeen years ago, You looked for him for years afterward. This time I took you over to look at Jesse.
R- She got dead.
B- And you never looked for her afterwards.
R- It would not help. When they get dead they do not eat any more. Or be with the herd. Or yell so I can find my way home.
B- I didn't show her to Washoe. He looked for her for days. I didn't even think about showing her to him. He seems to have stopped looking now, though. And Alloy, the new horse, never really seemed to notice. I thought that was odd because she was his first "friend" in the herd.
R- That Mare always liked dogs and young animals. Al-thing is both.
B- Alloy. And I think he would disagree with your assessment of his heritage. And you were pretty partial to Jesse when she moved in with us, and she was only 5 months old.
R- The mother mare was very old and tired. I needed to help.
B- Jesse's mom was more than willing to let you take over the raising of that filly.
R- I teached her many rules. She did not pee on the food. She maked all new horses follow the rules.
B- She would step right up and take over any herd we introduced her to.
R- Bossy.
B- She was at that. We all miss her.
R- She maked a good mare.
B- Yeah, she was a very good lead mare for the herd.
She is missed.
Tuesday, July 4, 2017
I Love a Parade
B- Hey Ranger! You've lived here in Allenspark for 18 or so years and you've never been in the 4th of July parade. You're about 30 years old now and there won't necessarily be many more chances for you. It will be fun! Let's do this!
R- Okay Beel.
B- So let's clean you up a bit and put some tinsel on your breast collar...
R- No Beel.
B- Come on, buddy. It's purdy!
R- No Beel. Ten-sell is very scary.
B- Okay then. No tinsel.
B- All righty then, let's hit the road! We'll just follow our truck and ride next to Washoe...
R- Beel there is a monster on the back of the stinky truck. I must not go there.
B- Ranger, it's a banner. It will not hurt you. Just touch it.
R- Okay Beel. Oh. It isn't very scary Beel. You should not worry about it.
B- Right. So far so good. Okay, it sounds like the parade is starting. We seem to be DEAD LAST . That's probably just as well. Nothing will be chasing us.
B- Okay, here we go! Hey look! We are just behind a truck with a killer sound system and some HUGE speakers! They've turned it on just as we're rounding the corner in front of the post office and...
R- NO NO NO NO NONONONONO
B- CHEESE AND CRUST, RANGER! It's just a bunch of people and kids! And a little loud music...
R- NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONO
B- OKAY OKAY I'll GET OFF AND LEAD YOU.
B- Jeeze. It may be about 500 people, but most of them are just kids holding plastic bags to catch candy with. And a few pinwheels, flags, crazy hats and costumes and stuff.
R- Say Beel. These are just many many peoples! You do not need to be afraid!
B- Great. Can I climb back on now?
R- Okay Beel.
B- Wonderful. I just got a standing ovation for climbing back on my horse. Thanks for embarrassing me in front of the crowds of strangers and neighbors, buddy.
B- Okay, we've finished with the biggest part of the town and crowds. Let's call it a win and go home.
R- Okay Beel.
R- Beel?
B- Yeah buddy?
R- How about no more parararades any more.
B- Sounds good my friend. You're old enough to make that choice. But at least it's off your bucket list. That's a list of things you want to do before you die.
R- I do not want any thing to do that will make me think I am going to die Beel. Please empty the bucket.
B- Okay buddy. But wouldn't it be fun to-
R- NO NO NO NO
R- Okay Beel.
B- So let's clean you up a bit and put some tinsel on your breast collar...
R- No Beel.
B- Come on, buddy. It's purdy!
R- No Beel. Ten-sell is very scary.
B- Okay then. No tinsel.
B- All righty then, let's hit the road! We'll just follow our truck and ride next to Washoe...
R- Beel there is a monster on the back of the stinky truck. I must not go there.
B- Ranger, it's a banner. It will not hurt you. Just touch it.
R- Okay Beel. Oh. It isn't very scary Beel. You should not worry about it.
B- Right. So far so good. Okay, it sounds like the parade is starting. We seem to be DEAD LAST . That's probably just as well. Nothing will be chasing us.
B- Okay, here we go! Hey look! We are just behind a truck with a killer sound system and some HUGE speakers! They've turned it on just as we're rounding the corner in front of the post office and...
R- NO NO NO NO NONONONONO
B- CHEESE AND CRUST, RANGER! It's just a bunch of people and kids! And a little loud music...
R- NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONO
B- OKAY OKAY I'll GET OFF AND LEAD YOU.
B- Jeeze. It may be about 500 people, but most of them are just kids holding plastic bags to catch candy with. And a few pinwheels, flags, crazy hats and costumes and stuff.
R- Say Beel. These are just many many peoples! You do not need to be afraid!
B- Great. Can I climb back on now?
R- Okay Beel.
B- Wonderful. I just got a standing ovation for climbing back on my horse. Thanks for embarrassing me in front of the crowds of strangers and neighbors, buddy.
B- Okay, we've finished with the biggest part of the town and crowds. Let's call it a win and go home.
R- Okay Beel.
R- Beel?
B- Yeah buddy?
R- How about no more parararades any more.
B- Sounds good my friend. You're old enough to make that choice. But at least it's off your bucket list. That's a list of things you want to do before you die.
R- I do not want any thing to do that will make me think I am going to die Beel. Please empty the bucket.
B- Okay buddy. But wouldn't it be fun to-
R- NO NO NO NO
Friday, April 14, 2017
Heads or Tails
B- Hi horses! Washoe, Jesse, Ranger and Alloy- how are you guys doing today now that I have scraped the first layer of manure off and into a big pile? I got down to a layer of ice and the tractor lost traction. Must have reached the "perma-frost". Or an old forgotten glacier.
B- So, "Big Al", I REALLY need to start working with you. How about I climb up on the feeder and lean over you bareback...
*SNORT*
B- Gee whiz, Ranger. I was just messing with the new guy.
R- No Beel. You are my people and you should only mess with me the horse.
B- Okay then, it's a beautiful day and it's almost 70 degrees out. How about we take Alloy out for a drag?
R- Okay Beel. I will show Al-fred how to be a good horse.
B- Alloy.
R- Whatever.
B- Juanita can take Washoe, and we'll pony Al. Jesse will have to stay here. She "foundered" this week, and is under doctor's care until her feet start feeling better.
R- That Mare will not be happy. She will yell for us.
B- She'll get over it. We'll only be gone for a half hour or so.
***************************************
B- Man-oh-man! It is so pretty up here. We haven't been able to ride this trail for 5 months or so. Look at this- someone is getting ready to build a house up here next to the National Forest. Juanita, let's leave the trail and see if we can spot where they are going to build. I don't think we have ever ridden right along here...
B- WHOA! I said WHOA! Just STOP, Ranger!
B- Alloy, what in the world is wrong with you. You are supposed to just follow along when we are ponying you, and you just stopped cold and almost drug me out of the saddle...
J- Bill, Alloy is standing in a coil of barbed wire!
B- Oh man. Okay I'll climb off here and see if I can get him out of it...
A- IAmSorryBill. IHadToStopBecuaseISteppedInThisBunchOfSharpWireAndItWillHurtMeIfIMove. NowIfIJustStepHereLikeThisAndThenStepHereLikeThis. OkayWeCanGoNow.
B- Okay Alloy. I am impressed. You have a very good mind. That could have been a DISASTER, but you just worked your way through it and didn't even get a scratch. You are one smart horse.
R- I do not think a smart horse would step in a big pile of biting wire Beel. Al-loof is a goofball.
B- Alloy. Stuff happens. He is a very smart horse. Let's head home now.
B- Nice ride. Here we are...
B- WHOA! I said WHOA! Just STOP, Ranger!
B- Alloy, what in the world is wrong with you. You are supposed to just follow along when we are ponying you, and you just stopped cold and almost drug me out of the saddle AGAIN.
A- IAmSorryBill. ButWeAlmostCrossedAVeryDangerousWildRiverAndICouldHaveDrownedOrBeenEatenBySwampMonsters.
B- Alloy, We are 10 feet outside of your corral. That is the same stream you drink out of every day. There are no monsters. You crossed the stream 20 minutes ago with no problem.
A- IJumpedOverTheRagingRiverSoTheMonstersCouldNotCatchMeTheFirstTime. ICanNotCrossTheMonsterInfestedWaterBecauseIMightDrown.
B- You are going to make me get off of my horse and lead you across a ONE FOOT WIDE TRICKLE of water, aren't you. Jerk. You are a lot less smart than you were 10 minutes ago.
R- I think he is afraid of Al-e-gators Beel.
B- So, "Big Al", I REALLY need to start working with you. How about I climb up on the feeder and lean over you bareback...
*SNORT*
B- Gee whiz, Ranger. I was just messing with the new guy.
R- No Beel. You are my people and you should only mess with me the horse.
B- Okay then, it's a beautiful day and it's almost 70 degrees out. How about we take Alloy out for a drag?
R- Okay Beel. I will show Al-fred how to be a good horse.
B- Alloy.
R- Whatever.
B- Juanita can take Washoe, and we'll pony Al. Jesse will have to stay here. She "foundered" this week, and is under doctor's care until her feet start feeling better.
R- That Mare will not be happy. She will yell for us.
B- She'll get over it. We'll only be gone for a half hour or so.
***************************************
B- Man-oh-man! It is so pretty up here. We haven't been able to ride this trail for 5 months or so. Look at this- someone is getting ready to build a house up here next to the National Forest. Juanita, let's leave the trail and see if we can spot where they are going to build. I don't think we have ever ridden right along here...
B- WHOA! I said WHOA! Just STOP, Ranger!
B- Alloy, what in the world is wrong with you. You are supposed to just follow along when we are ponying you, and you just stopped cold and almost drug me out of the saddle...
J- Bill, Alloy is standing in a coil of barbed wire!
B- Oh man. Okay I'll climb off here and see if I can get him out of it...
A- IAmSorryBill. IHadToStopBecuaseISteppedInThisBunchOfSharpWireAndItWillHurtMeIfIMove. NowIfIJustStepHereLikeThisAndThenStepHereLikeThis. OkayWeCanGoNow.
B- Okay Alloy. I am impressed. You have a very good mind. That could have been a DISASTER, but you just worked your way through it and didn't even get a scratch. You are one smart horse.
R- I do not think a smart horse would step in a big pile of biting wire Beel. Al-loof is a goofball.
B- Alloy. Stuff happens. He is a very smart horse. Let's head home now.
B- Nice ride. Here we are...
B- WHOA! I said WHOA! Just STOP, Ranger!
B- Alloy, what in the world is wrong with you. You are supposed to just follow along when we are ponying you, and you just stopped cold and almost drug me out of the saddle AGAIN.
A- IAmSorryBill. ButWeAlmostCrossedAVeryDangerousWildRiverAndICouldHaveDrownedOrBeenEatenBySwampMonsters.
B- Alloy, We are 10 feet outside of your corral. That is the same stream you drink out of every day. There are no monsters. You crossed the stream 20 minutes ago with no problem.
A- IJumpedOverTheRagingRiverSoTheMonstersCouldNotCatchMeTheFirstTime. ICanNotCrossTheMonsterInfestedWaterBecauseIMightDrown.
B- You are going to make me get off of my horse and lead you across a ONE FOOT WIDE TRICKLE of water, aren't you. Jerk. You are a lot less smart than you were 10 minutes ago.
R- I think he is afraid of Al-e-gators Beel.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Coming To Terms
B- Hey Ranger! How's the old horse doing?
R- I am good today Beel.
B- Wonderful! You are talking to me again. You've been giving me the cold shoulder for the last few days. I walk up to talk and you walk away. Hey! Where are you going?
R- I forgotted. I am going away now.
B- Come on buddy, let's talk about this. It's about the new horse, Alloy, isn't it?
R-
B- Aw, for crying out loud. He'll never replace you. You are the horse. How about a nice head scratch?
R- That has good feels Beel. More would be more good.
B- Okay pal. Just for you. (Scratch) So how is Alloy doing hanging out with y'all? Is he behaving?
R- He is not very bad. But he eats my food. We will run out. There is always just barely enough.
B- (Scratch scratch) Trust me my fuzzy friend, we'll put in more food so you all get enough.(Scratch scratch) Alloy won't eat it all.
R- Al-fred eats some and that is too much.
B- Alloy.
R- What ever.
B- Any other problems with him or the other two horses? (Scratch scratch)
R- That Mare and The Kid do not want him to eat their food. So sometimes they chase An-noy.
B- Alloy.
R- What ever.
B- (Scratch) Any other complaints?
R- He is kind of jumpy when we try to bite him. It is hard to bite Al-arm like he needs.
B- Alloy.
R- What ever.
B- Other problems? (Scratch)
R- He does not follow the rules very good. He runs away over the fence and down the road. That is very bad. I telled him "You should not do that Al-po".
B- Alpo. Funny you should call him that.
R- What ever.
B- (Scratch scratch) Well, how about a quick ride around the corral bare-back, Ranger?
R- Okay. Say Beel. Al-ong is following us around the yard.
B- Alloy. I think he's a little jealous.
R- What ever. I am not ever jell-loose. Because you are my people.
B- That's right. Whatever you say, buddy. What ever.
R- I am good today Beel.
B- Wonderful! You are talking to me again. You've been giving me the cold shoulder for the last few days. I walk up to talk and you walk away. Hey! Where are you going?
R- I forgotted. I am going away now.
B- Come on buddy, let's talk about this. It's about the new horse, Alloy, isn't it?
R-
B- Aw, for crying out loud. He'll never replace you. You are the horse. How about a nice head scratch?
R- That has good feels Beel. More would be more good.
B- Okay pal. Just for you. (Scratch) So how is Alloy doing hanging out with y'all? Is he behaving?
R- He is not very bad. But he eats my food. We will run out. There is always just barely enough.
B- (Scratch scratch) Trust me my fuzzy friend, we'll put in more food so you all get enough.(Scratch scratch) Alloy won't eat it all.
R- Al-fred eats some and that is too much.
B- Alloy.
R- What ever.
B- Any other problems with him or the other two horses? (Scratch scratch)
R- That Mare and The Kid do not want him to eat their food. So sometimes they chase An-noy.
B- Alloy.
R- What ever.
B- (Scratch) Any other complaints?
R- He is kind of jumpy when we try to bite him. It is hard to bite Al-arm like he needs.
B- Alloy.
R- What ever.
B- Other problems? (Scratch)
R- He does not follow the rules very good. He runs away over the fence and down the road. That is very bad. I telled him "You should not do that Al-po".
B- Alpo. Funny you should call him that.
R- What ever.
B- (Scratch scratch) Well, how about a quick ride around the corral bare-back, Ranger?
R- Okay. Say Beel. Al-ong is following us around the yard.
B- Alloy. I think he's a little jealous.
R- What ever. I am not ever jell-loose. Because you are my people.
B- That's right. Whatever you say, buddy. What ever.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
October Ride
B- Hey Ranger! You wanna go for a ride?
R- No Beel. You make me tired.
B- Okay, how 'bout you carry the granddaughter instead of me, and I'll ride Washoe.
R- That would be good Beel. She is not fat.
B- Great! Then we...wait. Are you saying I'm fat?
R- Like a moose.
B- You are just getting old.
R- And you are mean like a moose too. I heared one of the peoples call one of the moose monsters Beel-winkel on this morning.
B- "Bullwinkle". And careful, that would make you the squirrel.
B- So, this would be a good time to try the new device on Washoe. He has a REAL eating disorder, JCS syndrome. Just. Can't. Stop. So he gets a "NibbleNot" on his halter.
R- You sayed it looked like some lawn-jer-hay on his face. I do not know what that is.
B- Lingerie. It looks like he stuck his head in a laundry basket and came out with a nose thong.
R- He looks strange.
B- Nope, can't get a bite!
B- Still nope.
B- Ha! Nothing!
B- So sad.
B- Why bother.
R- I know the rule about no eating when I am doing work.
B- Wait a minute! What's that?
R- She sayed I could.
B- She just didn't say no fast enough and you forgot what you were doing. Squirrel.
R- Moose.
R- No Beel. You make me tired.
B- Okay, how 'bout you carry the granddaughter instead of me, and I'll ride Washoe.
R- That would be good Beel. She is not fat.
B- Great! Then we...wait. Are you saying I'm fat?
R- Like a moose.
B- You are just getting old.
R- And you are mean like a moose too. I heared one of the peoples call one of the moose monsters Beel-winkel on this morning.
B- "Bullwinkle". And careful, that would make you the squirrel.
B- So, this would be a good time to try the new device on Washoe. He has a REAL eating disorder, JCS syndrome. Just. Can't. Stop. So he gets a "NibbleNot" on his halter.
R- You sayed it looked like some lawn-jer-hay on his face. I do not know what that is.
B- Lingerie. It looks like he stuck his head in a laundry basket and came out with a nose thong.
B- Let's see if it works.
B- Nothing to eat here
B- Nope, can't get a bite!
B- Still nope.
B- Ha! Nothing!
B- So sad.
B- Why bother.
R- I know the rule about no eating when I am doing work.
R- She sayed I could.
B- She just didn't say no fast enough and you forgot what you were doing. Squirrel.
R- Moose.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Attack of the Killer Carrots
B- Hey Ranger! Come on over! TREAT!!!
R- Hello Beel.
B- Here you go buddy, have a carrot.
R- Nope.
B- Now Ranger, you love carrots. Take this.
R- Nope. They bite.
B- Carrots do not bite. They are tasty vegetables. Not prone to attacking horses.
R- They bite you.
B- Ranger, our guest told me what happened. She said she was trying to give you a carrot and you were standing in the mud, leaning against the metal feeder. And she bumped the hot-wire. And you got a shock when you touched the carrot. It WASN'T the carrot biting you!
R- Bite.
B- Juanita says you will take one from her sometimes, and then think better of it and back away and not take any more.
R- I forget. Then I remember. Not safe. They bite.
B- Juanita says you will take them from her if she goes into the pen with you.
R- They do not bite in here.
B- Okay, I'll climb in and give you a couple. Here you go. You are one odd duck, buddy.
R- Bite me.
R- Hello Beel.
B- Here you go buddy, have a carrot.
R- Nope.
B- Now Ranger, you love carrots. Take this.
R- Nope. They bite.
B- Carrots do not bite. They are tasty vegetables. Not prone to attacking horses.
R- They bite you.
B- Ranger, our guest told me what happened. She said she was trying to give you a carrot and you were standing in the mud, leaning against the metal feeder. And she bumped the hot-wire. And you got a shock when you touched the carrot. It WASN'T the carrot biting you!
R- Bite.
B- Juanita says you will take one from her sometimes, and then think better of it and back away and not take any more.
R- I forget. Then I remember. Not safe. They bite.
B- Juanita says you will take them from her if she goes into the pen with you.
R- They do not bite in here.
B- Okay, I'll climb in and give you a couple. Here you go. You are one odd duck, buddy.
R- Bite me.
Saturday, June 4, 2016
Feats of Bravery
B- How's my horse today?
R- I feel good Beel.
B- So Ranger, I see Anton the farrier made it by today and gave you an equine pedicure this morning. How do your feet feel now?
R- I feel good Beel. You do not listen so good. Ant-on is an ear-a-tating people.
B- I'm sure you were very annoyed with him, but I just thought your feet might feel better now. They had gotten pretty long on that soft winter pasture we had you guys on.
R- I like the cold time place. It has foods growing out of the ground.
B- I'm sure you do like it. But you get fat and long of hoof there.
R- Fat is good Beel. It makes you safe.
B- I'm not sure it made you feel safe the other day when the two moose showed up, while you were eating out in front of the lodge.
R- Moose monsters are very bad and scary.
B- Is that why you hid behind me when the two of them started crossing the road to visit with you?
R- I have heared you tell other peoples to stand behind something so the moose monsters can not see them.
B- Trust me, you can still be seen when you are hiding behind me. Jerk. I think they just thought you were a moose, too. Til they got close enough to see you were actually just a chicken. Bwaaak buckbuckbuck...
R- I am a horse Beel.
B- Buckbuck bwaaak...
R- And you are an ear-a-tater.
R- I feel good Beel.
B- So Ranger, I see Anton the farrier made it by today and gave you an equine pedicure this morning. How do your feet feel now?
R- I feel good Beel. You do not listen so good. Ant-on is an ear-a-tating people.
B- I'm sure you were very annoyed with him, but I just thought your feet might feel better now. They had gotten pretty long on that soft winter pasture we had you guys on.
R- I like the cold time place. It has foods growing out of the ground.
B- I'm sure you do like it. But you get fat and long of hoof there.
R- Fat is good Beel. It makes you safe.
B- I'm not sure it made you feel safe the other day when the two moose showed up, while you were eating out in front of the lodge.
R- Moose monsters are very bad and scary.
B- Is that why you hid behind me when the two of them started crossing the road to visit with you?
R- I have heared you tell other peoples to stand behind something so the moose monsters can not see them.
B- Trust me, you can still be seen when you are hiding behind me. Jerk. I think they just thought you were a moose, too. Til they got close enough to see you were actually just a chicken. Bwaaak buckbuckbuck...
R- I am a horse Beel.
B- Buckbuck bwaaak...
R- And you are an ear-a-tater.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
First Trail Ride of '16
B- Ranger! My man... er.... horse! How about you and your squad go for a ride with Juanita and me!
R- Okay Beel.
B- Allrighty then. Lets get you brushed and saddled.
R- Okay Beel.
B- Juanita is riding Washoe today, and we will take turns towing Jesse. It's beautiful out today! Almost 70 degrees and the sun is shining. I'm loving it!
R- Okay Beel.
B- You are sure behaving like a good horse today. What's wrong? Yesterday when I gave you your anti-worm medication, you were rearing and snorting and being a complete jerk. Now you are doing everything I ask. Even trotting up the hill!
R- Today is a good day Beel. No cold white falling from the sky. The sun is warm. No leg hurts. No worm poison. Only good.
B- Glad you are feeling well, buddy. Looks like a tree came down next to the trail over the winter. You know, it's been about 6 months since we have been up here on these trails.
B- RANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? HO! HO! I SAID WHOA!!!
B- So WHAT brought that jumping fit on?
R- Monsters Beel. The monster was grabbing me from behind.
B- It was a branch from the fallen tree, you nitwit! It touched your tail!
R- It was not there to grab me last time I was here.
B- That was SIX MONTHS ago you twit! Things can change over the winter!
R- They should not. New is not good. Change is very not good.
B- Deal with it.
B- Look Ranger, all that snow on the mountain ahead of us.
R- Let us not go to the cold white place.
B- You got it, Buddy. It would take us the better part of today to get up there, and we have guests tonight.
B- It does look like we will have to cross a little snow left over from that last storm, though.
B- What a nice ride today. Thanks, Ranger. I only wish you would stop freaking out when you see something that has changed.
R- Beel?
B- Yeah Buddy?
R- Deal with it.
R- Okay Beel.
B- Allrighty then. Lets get you brushed and saddled.
R- Okay Beel.
B- Juanita is riding Washoe today, and we will take turns towing Jesse. It's beautiful out today! Almost 70 degrees and the sun is shining. I'm loving it!
R- Okay Beel.
B- You are sure behaving like a good horse today. What's wrong? Yesterday when I gave you your anti-worm medication, you were rearing and snorting and being a complete jerk. Now you are doing everything I ask. Even trotting up the hill!
R- Today is a good day Beel. No cold white falling from the sky. The sun is warm. No leg hurts. No worm poison. Only good.
B- Glad you are feeling well, buddy. Looks like a tree came down next to the trail over the winter. You know, it's been about 6 months since we have been up here on these trails.
B- RANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? HO! HO! I SAID WHOA!!!
B- So WHAT brought that jumping fit on?
R- Monsters Beel. The monster was grabbing me from behind.
B- It was a branch from the fallen tree, you nitwit! It touched your tail!
R- It was not there to grab me last time I was here.
B- That was SIX MONTHS ago you twit! Things can change over the winter!
R- They should not. New is not good. Change is very not good.
B- Deal with it.
B- Look Ranger, all that snow on the mountain ahead of us.
B- You got it, Buddy. It would take us the better part of today to get up there, and we have guests tonight.
B- It does look like we will have to cross a little snow left over from that last storm, though.
B- What a nice ride today. Thanks, Ranger. I only wish you would stop freaking out when you see something that has changed.
R- Beel?
B- Yeah Buddy?
R- Deal with it.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Weight a Minute
B- Ranger! Jesse! Washoe! TREATS!
B- Hey Washoe. Here, Juanita will give you some dried pancakes. Boy, your gut makes you look pregnant.
B- Jesse! You can have some. Wow. You're looking preggers, too. At least you are a mare...
B- Jeeze. Ranger is still way out there.
B- Ranger! Drag your portly, pot belly over here and I'll give you some treats!
R- I am going to where you are Beel. Be more calm.
B- Howdy Ranger. How's my horse doing? You guys are all putting on the pounds here on winter pasture. This hay field is starting to green up. We need to move you off it and take you all back home.
R- This is a good place to be Beel. It has foods. It has waters. It has no head ropes. It has no back chairs.
B- You're getting soft with your time off, old man. Next week we'll get you three back up the mountain and start riding.
R- I like being at this place Beel. It has nice neighbors.
B- Those are pigs, Ranger. You are sharing your water trough with pigs.
R- They are nice. They do not say we are being fat.
B- Pigs are expected to be fat. Horses, not so much. You need to go on a diet.
R- Where do I go to get on that?
B- No no. A diet is when you eat less food and lose some weight.
R- Oh. A die eat. I do not want go climb on that. It is called starving. It is bad.
B- Now, there is no way we would let you starve...
R- Good. I will stay here. With the nice pigs.
B- No sir, next week you all are heading home to limited rations.
R- It is okay if I am fat. You sit on me. I almost never sit on you.
R- You should go home and die eat.
B- Hey Washoe. Here, Juanita will give you some dried pancakes. Boy, your gut makes you look pregnant.
B- Jesse! You can have some. Wow. You're looking preggers, too. At least you are a mare...
B- Jeeze. Ranger is still way out there.
B- Ranger! Drag your portly, pot belly over here and I'll give you some treats!
R- I am going to where you are Beel. Be more calm.
B- Howdy Ranger. How's my horse doing? You guys are all putting on the pounds here on winter pasture. This hay field is starting to green up. We need to move you off it and take you all back home.
R- This is a good place to be Beel. It has foods. It has waters. It has no head ropes. It has no back chairs.
B- You're getting soft with your time off, old man. Next week we'll get you three back up the mountain and start riding.
R- I like being at this place Beel. It has nice neighbors.
B- Those are pigs, Ranger. You are sharing your water trough with pigs.
R- They are nice. They do not say we are being fat.
B- Pigs are expected to be fat. Horses, not so much. You need to go on a diet.
R- Where do I go to get on that?
B- No no. A diet is when you eat less food and lose some weight.
R- Oh. A die eat. I do not want go climb on that. It is called starving. It is bad.
B- Now, there is no way we would let you starve...
R- Good. I will stay here. With the nice pigs.
B- No sir, next week you all are heading home to limited rations.
R- It is okay if I am fat. You sit on me. I almost never sit on you.
R- You should go home and die eat.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
And So It Goes.
B- Hay Ranger! How's it going, buddy?
R- Hello Beel. Do you have any treats?
B- You betcha. Here is an apple chunk.
R- That was good. Do you have more?
B- Sure thing. Have another. I have your new halter here...
R- Nope.
B- Ahhh, come back here. I just want to brush you a bit and see if the halter you got for Christmas fits.
R- Nope.
B- Now, why can you be SO GOOD about some things and SUCH A JERK about others?
R- Apples are good. Head ropes are bad.
B- We need a rule here. If I show up with the halter, you walk up to me. Okay?
R- Nope.
B- Come on Ranger, you understand rules. For instance, once you are caught you are a perfect gentleman. And if a gate is left open, you won't go through uninvited. Last week all three other horses stepped over the low hotwire in the pasture and ran off. You just stood there and hollered at them.
R- They had a very bad idea.
B- But they came right up to us when we called and let us put their halters on them.
R- They had another bad idea.
B- Okay, next time I'm bringing my rope to catch you with. I haven't thrown a loop in about 12 years since I tore my rotator cuff, but I'll give it a shot.
R- Beel.
B- Yes?
R- You are having a bad idea.
R- Hello Beel. Do you have any treats?
B- You betcha. Here is an apple chunk.
R- That was good. Do you have more?
B- Sure thing. Have another. I have your new halter here...
R- Nope.
B- Ahhh, come back here. I just want to brush you a bit and see if the halter you got for Christmas fits.
R- Nope.
B- Now, why can you be SO GOOD about some things and SUCH A JERK about others?
R- Apples are good. Head ropes are bad.
B- We need a rule here. If I show up with the halter, you walk up to me. Okay?
R- Nope.
B- Come on Ranger, you understand rules. For instance, once you are caught you are a perfect gentleman. And if a gate is left open, you won't go through uninvited. Last week all three other horses stepped over the low hotwire in the pasture and ran off. You just stood there and hollered at them.
R- They had a very bad idea.
B- But they came right up to us when we called and let us put their halters on them.
R- They had another bad idea.
B- Okay, next time I'm bringing my rope to catch you with. I haven't thrown a loop in about 12 years since I tore my rotator cuff, but I'll give it a shot.
R- Beel.
B- Yes?
R- You are having a bad idea.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Hair Do/Don't
B- Hey, buddy! Sorry we haven't been down to visit you guys lately. It's been pretty active up at the lodge and we haven't been able to get away.
R- What do you need to get away from Beel?
B- I mean we were just busy...
R- It works good if you run away from things you need to get away from.
B- I'm not sure that would be the right way to handle...
R- Or kick them. That works really good.
B- I'm SURE that would be the wrong way to handle our guests. But we are here now. Last time we dropped by we noticed that you guys had picked up a bunch of burrs in your manes and forelocks. You look like "Alfalfa" and Jesse looks like "Trump".
R- Alfalfa is good. And tromping is another good way to get away from things that bother you.
B- No...I mean... aarg. Let's just get those burrs out of y'alls hair, okay? Here's your halter so we can...
R- Nope.
B- Aww, come on buddy! Stop walking away. I'm just going to brush your hair.
R- Nope. When you put my head rope on my head you climb on my back and you are fat.
B- Stop walking. I am not fat. I weigh within 5 pounds of what I weighed 16 years ago when I got you.
R- Pounds bigger or pounds smaller?
B- Quit walking away from me. Five pounds more, but...
R- Fat.
B- I'm not fat, and I'm not even going to climb on you today. I just want to brush your hair.
B- Look, Jesse, Washoe and Henry are all in the holding pen waiting nicely, and I'm out here walking in circles...
R- Walking is good for you. It will make you less fat.
B- I'M NOT FAT! YOU ARE JUST GETTING OLD!
R- Fat and mean.
B- Oh, right. you just let Juanita walk up to you and put her arms around your neck.
R- Waneeta is not mean. Or fat. She is nice.
R- Hello Beel. It is a good day. Do you have any treats for me?
B- Jerk. Walking off for 20 minutes. What is wrong with you?
R- Walking is also a good way to get away Beel.
B- Jerk.
R- What do you need to get away from Beel?
B- I mean we were just busy...
R- It works good if you run away from things you need to get away from.
B- I'm not sure that would be the right way to handle...
R- Or kick them. That works really good.
B- I'm SURE that would be the wrong way to handle our guests. But we are here now. Last time we dropped by we noticed that you guys had picked up a bunch of burrs in your manes and forelocks. You look like "Alfalfa" and Jesse looks like "Trump".
R- Alfalfa is good. And tromping is another good way to get away from things that bother you.
B- No...I mean... aarg. Let's just get those burrs out of y'alls hair, okay? Here's your halter so we can...
R- Nope.
B- Aww, come on buddy! Stop walking away. I'm just going to brush your hair.
R- Nope. When you put my head rope on my head you climb on my back and you are fat.
B- Stop walking. I am not fat. I weigh within 5 pounds of what I weighed 16 years ago when I got you.
R- Pounds bigger or pounds smaller?
B- Quit walking away from me. Five pounds more, but...
R- Fat.
B- I'm not fat, and I'm not even going to climb on you today. I just want to brush your hair.
B- Look, Jesse, Washoe and Henry are all in the holding pen waiting nicely, and I'm out here walking in circles...
R- Walking is good for you. It will make you less fat.
B- I'M NOT FAT! YOU ARE JUST GETTING OLD!
R- Fat and mean.
B- Oh, right. you just let Juanita walk up to you and put her arms around your neck.
R- Waneeta is not mean. Or fat. She is nice.
R- Hello Beel. It is a good day. Do you have any treats for me?
B- Jerk. Walking off for 20 minutes. What is wrong with you?
R- Walking is also a good way to get away Beel.
B- Jerk.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
A Good Week
B- Nice ride today, Ranger. You did very well, with no limping at all.
R- I feel good Beel.
B- We've gone out, what, four times this week?
R- Many walks Beel.
B- That's right. More than two, is "many".
R- Sometimes one is two many Beel.
B- Yeah, yeah. But you act like you're feeling good again. We went out for three hours today, counting the picnic, and you were still trotting to get home.
R- Home is good Beel. Food is at home. Water is at home. Standing in the shade is at home. Not walking up the mountain is at home.
B- Well, you haven't seemed to mind going out lately. You don't run away (too much) when I show up with the halter. That reminds me. Why have you started walking away from me, rolling in the manure pile, and then coming back to me to get haltered before we go out? It's really kind of annoying.
R- Rolling feels good.
B- But then I have to brush you, a LOT, before I can saddle you.
R- Brushing feels good.
B- Well, just stop it. Maybe I need to send you to a trainer like our daughter is doing with her horse. It's learning lots of new things. Like lowering her head to be haltered and walking nicely behind the person leading her. You know. Manners.
R- Nope. I do not need man-ers. I am a horse. I have good horsers. That other mare must not know she is a horse.
B- She knows she's a horse all right. She's just a polite horse now. She doesn't go out and roll in the dung when we walk up to catch her.
R- That is sad. Not a horse.
B- SHE'S not sad. She's happy that she knows what's expected of her.
B- Maybe we should send you to a trainer. For say, one lesson?
R- Like I sayed earlier Sometimes one is two many Beel.
R- I feel good Beel.
B- We've gone out, what, four times this week?
R- Many walks Beel.
B- That's right. More than two, is "many".
R- Sometimes one is two many Beel.
B- Yeah, yeah. But you act like you're feeling good again. We went out for three hours today, counting the picnic, and you were still trotting to get home.
R- Home is good Beel. Food is at home. Water is at home. Standing in the shade is at home. Not walking up the mountain is at home.
B- Well, you haven't seemed to mind going out lately. You don't run away (too much) when I show up with the halter. That reminds me. Why have you started walking away from me, rolling in the manure pile, and then coming back to me to get haltered before we go out? It's really kind of annoying.
R- Rolling feels good.
B- But then I have to brush you, a LOT, before I can saddle you.
R- Brushing feels good.
B- Well, just stop it. Maybe I need to send you to a trainer like our daughter is doing with her horse. It's learning lots of new things. Like lowering her head to be haltered and walking nicely behind the person leading her. You know. Manners.
R- Nope. I do not need man-ers. I am a horse. I have good horsers. That other mare must not know she is a horse.
B- She knows she's a horse all right. She's just a polite horse now. She doesn't go out and roll in the dung when we walk up to catch her.
R- That is sad. Not a horse.
B- SHE'S not sad. She's happy that she knows what's expected of her.
B- Maybe we should send you to a trainer. For say, one lesson?
R- Like I sayed earlier Sometimes one is two many Beel.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Krates
B- Howdy, Ranger! You're looking pretty perky today. Let's go around the neighborhood.
R- Okay Beel. First I must poop.
R- Good.
R- Now you can put my head rope on my head.
B- Wow, buddy. You are being very cooperative today.
B- Let's go bareback this afternoon. This is great! You're walking very smoothly today. No limping at all.
R- It is a very good day Beel.
B- Say, we have some guests in the back yard that I bet would like to meet you. Let's cut through the lodge and...
R- No.
B- Aww, come on buddy. We've gone through the lodge before and you were fine. Why not this time?
R- On the before time you were walking in front of me. Now you are sitting on my back.
B- What difference could that possibly make?
R- When you are in front of me the monsters will get you because you are slow and not strong. I can get away. If you are sitting on me I will be slow. It is all about monsters Beel.
B- There ain't no monsters, Ranger. Ah well, It's not worth the battle. We'll just go around the back through the side yard...
R- MONSTERS BEEL!
B- GAH!! Whew. No Ranger. They are crates. Wooden boxes. You know that when you jump away from stuff like that you have to go up to it and touch it with your nose. Let's do it.
R- Okay Beel. *touch* But the krate monsters were not there in the before times.
B- Nope, they're new. Now let's go talk with the guests.
________________________________________________________
B- Very good, Ranger. You were a perfect example of a good mustang. Now, let's go around...
R- MONSTERS BEEL!
B- You moron! That is the same set of crates that were there 10 minutes ago. Touch 'em.
R- *touch*
B- Allrighty. Now let's go around the... Oops some new guests just pulled up in the parking lot out front and are looking for the folks sitting out back. Let's just walk with them back to meet the folks we were just talking with...
R- MONSTERS BEEL!
B- RANGER YOU ARE BEING A COMPLETE $#!T. JUST STOP THAT! NOW TOUCH THEM.
R- *touch*
__________________________________________________________
B- Okay, introductions are made, let's go out front and around the block. Wait...Ranger...where...what are you doing...
R- *touch* You make me touch the krate monsters every time we go by so I just did.
B- I only make you touch it because you jump and snort and... never mind. Let's go for a walk.
R- Okay Beel. It is a very good day.
B- You're right buddy. I couldn't agree more. Let's ride!
R- Okay Beel. First I must poop.
R- Good.
R- Now you can put my head rope on my head.
B- Wow, buddy. You are being very cooperative today.
B- Let's go bareback this afternoon. This is great! You're walking very smoothly today. No limping at all.
R- It is a very good day Beel.
B- Say, we have some guests in the back yard that I bet would like to meet you. Let's cut through the lodge and...
R- No.
B- Aww, come on buddy. We've gone through the lodge before and you were fine. Why not this time?
R- On the before time you were walking in front of me. Now you are sitting on my back.
B- What difference could that possibly make?
R- When you are in front of me the monsters will get you because you are slow and not strong. I can get away. If you are sitting on me I will be slow. It is all about monsters Beel.
B- There ain't no monsters, Ranger. Ah well, It's not worth the battle. We'll just go around the back through the side yard...
R- MONSTERS BEEL!
B- GAH!! Whew. No Ranger. They are crates. Wooden boxes. You know that when you jump away from stuff like that you have to go up to it and touch it with your nose. Let's do it.
R- Okay Beel. *touch* But the krate monsters were not there in the before times.
B- Nope, they're new. Now let's go talk with the guests.
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B- Very good, Ranger. You were a perfect example of a good mustang. Now, let's go around...
R- MONSTERS BEEL!
B- You moron! That is the same set of crates that were there 10 minutes ago. Touch 'em.
R- *touch*
B- Allrighty. Now let's go around the... Oops some new guests just pulled up in the parking lot out front and are looking for the folks sitting out back. Let's just walk with them back to meet the folks we were just talking with...
R- MONSTERS BEEL!
B- RANGER YOU ARE BEING A COMPLETE $#!T. JUST STOP THAT! NOW TOUCH THEM.
R- *touch*
__________________________________________________________
B- Okay, introductions are made, let's go out front and around the block. Wait...Ranger...where...what are you doing...
R- *touch* You make me touch the krate monsters every time we go by so I just did.
B- I only make you touch it because you jump and snort and... never mind. Let's go for a walk.
R- Okay Beel. It is a very good day.
B- You're right buddy. I couldn't agree more. Let's ride!
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Bunch of Sheet
B- Hey Ranger. I've got something new for you to try.
R- I do not like new Beel.
B- Juanita thought the flies were "bugging" you. Ha! Get it buddy? Bugging?
R- I am trying to eat here Beel.
B- No, come on. We are going to put a fly sheet on you.
R- I will wear it but I do not like it.
R- I do not like new Beel.
B- Juanita thought the flies were "bugging" you. Ha! Get it buddy? Bugging?
R- I am trying to eat here Beel.
B- No, come on. We are going to put a fly sheet on you.
R- I do not like this dress Beel.
R- I sayed I DO NOT LIKE THIS DRESS BEEL.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
The Spring has Sprung
B- So, Ranger. What do you know about this?
R- Go away now Beel.
B- No, really, horse. What do you know about this "electric fence gate spring coil" that is stretched to 10 times it's maximum length, the hook/handle is broken off and it was found lying 20 yards from the gate it was supposed to be hooked up to?
R- That is a very dangerous snake-monster. It bites. You are holding it. Go away now.
B- This spring was installed less than a month ago. It replaced the last one that got all stretched out of shape. Which had replaced the one before THAT that got ruined. I could never figure out who was destroying these things, until this time, I found a wad of brown and black tail hairs tangled up in it.
R- It will bite you Beel. And it will follow you and keep on biting you when you run away Beel. Go away now.
B- Both of your pasture mates are white horses. Only you have brown and black hair.
R- If you just stand near it it will attack you Beel.
B- Maybe you should swish you tail just a little further away from the gate from now on?
R- Maybe you should go away Beel. It is mean.
R- Go away now Beel.
B- No, really, horse. What do you know about this "electric fence gate spring coil" that is stretched to 10 times it's maximum length, the hook/handle is broken off and it was found lying 20 yards from the gate it was supposed to be hooked up to?
R- That is a very dangerous snake-monster. It bites. You are holding it. Go away now.
B- This spring was installed less than a month ago. It replaced the last one that got all stretched out of shape. Which had replaced the one before THAT that got ruined. I could never figure out who was destroying these things, until this time, I found a wad of brown and black tail hairs tangled up in it.
R- It will bite you Beel. And it will follow you and keep on biting you when you run away Beel. Go away now.
B- Both of your pasture mates are white horses. Only you have brown and black hair.
R- If you just stand near it it will attack you Beel.
B- Maybe you should swish you tail just a little further away from the gate from now on?
R- Maybe you should go away Beel. It is mean.
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Sunday, June 28, 2015
It's All About the Grass
B- Howdy Ranger. How's my old horse?
R- Hello Beel. I am good. I would be better if I got some grass like the neighbor horses got.
B- Yeah, it was another round up, Buddy. All 40 of them got out and took off. At least until the grass and weeds that bloomed this spring distracted them from their escape. It was pretty easy to convince them to go home and re-hook the panel they pushed open.
R- I heared you call them bad ducks. They are horses Beel. Not ducks.
B- Yeah Bud, but the tourist season is in full swing. Ducks is about all I could think of to shout at them that was... okay. Speaking of bud, grass, weed and tourists, lately we've had dozens of people show up at the lodge looking for the "Bud Depot" marijuana dispensary. I finally asked one of them why they thought we were dope dealers. He said "I have an app on my phone that sent me here." "Really?" I asked. "And what makes you think that the app is any less f---ed up than the guy got while he was researching it?" We just don't sell grass or weed here.
R- Why would the peoples want to buy grasses? They grow out of the ground. You just eat them.
B- Can't tell you Buddy. They do seem kind of confused, though. Maybe I could sell them a zip-lock full of dandelions. "Here's your weed. That will be $50."
R- I like dandelions. They taste good. I would still like some grass like the neighbor horses got.
B- Here you go my friend. No charge.
R- Hello Beel. I am good. I would be better if I got some grass like the neighbor horses got.
B- Yeah, it was another round up, Buddy. All 40 of them got out and took off. At least until the grass and weeds that bloomed this spring distracted them from their escape. It was pretty easy to convince them to go home and re-hook the panel they pushed open.
R- I heared you call them bad ducks. They are horses Beel. Not ducks.
B- Yeah Bud, but the tourist season is in full swing. Ducks is about all I could think of to shout at them that was... okay. Speaking of bud, grass, weed and tourists, lately we've had dozens of people show up at the lodge looking for the "Bud Depot" marijuana dispensary. I finally asked one of them why they thought we were dope dealers. He said "I have an app on my phone that sent me here." "Really?" I asked. "And what makes you think that the app is any less f---ed up than the guy got while he was researching it?" We just don't sell grass or weed here.
R- Why would the peoples want to buy grasses? They grow out of the ground. You just eat them.
B- Can't tell you Buddy. They do seem kind of confused, though. Maybe I could sell them a zip-lock full of dandelions. "Here's your weed. That will be $50."
R- I like dandelions. They taste good. I would still like some grass like the neighbor horses got.
B- Here you go my friend. No charge.
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