Finally, It's Done

Hi, GunDiva here.

Monday, March 16, was the Bionic Cowgirl's birthday, and also the day of the sentencing for Daniel Graska, who caused so much turmoil and pain in our lives. I'm not going to re-has the mess that was the sentencing, you can click over to my blog to read that if you want, but I did want to share Mom's Victim's Impact Statement. I feel that it'll be good closure for all of us.

"I am at a loss for words. How do you put down on paper the tremendous sorrow and loss you feel at losing your soulmate and your business partner at the same time that you’ve yourself sustained major injuries that will take months, if not years, to heal? How do I grieve when I need to help my children, grandchildren and great-grandchild grieve from this horrendous loss to their future lives and what this special person meant to them? The hardest call I’ve ever had to make was letting my kids know that we’d lost such a critical part of our family. 

It was November 21, 2022 and we were returning home from our very first semi-retired vacation. Bill and I ran the Allenspark Lodge Bed-and-Breakfast in Allenspark, Colorado; a very quaint 92-year-old log lodge at 8500 feet elevation that has become the center of our community. We were just outside of Moab, Utah; the skies were clear, the sun was bright, the road was dry and appeared empty, and we were listening to a fun audio book. Suddenly, I heard Bill say, “Oh shit!”, and I looked towards him to see him looking in the side view mirror. I glanced in the mirror and saw a dark object, but then suddenly we were airborne. The last words I remember saying are, “we’re going over.” I regained consciousness as I was being pulled from our vehicle. I remember glancing up at the car, looking for Bill to see him still sitting stoically behind the steering wheel like he was still driving, but I knew right then that he was gone. It’s like sensing a piece of your heart and soul has just disappeared. 

My attention was grabbed by the kind persons who stopped along their way to help us. I call them my guardian angels.  How could two paramedics coming from two different directions, who didn’t know each other, suddenly be at my side to help me begin breathing again? (I had a collapsed lung which they were able to reinflate.) The ambulance that had been called was still 20 minutes out. These were just strangers who had stopped to help.. I am forever thankful to them.

I remember the patrolman coming over to check on me and telling me how so very sorry he was that Bill's neck had been broken instantly upon impact, and that the occupants in the other car “walked away uninjured”.  He called it "shear effect".  It was obvious to him who had caused the accident. He said they had also called for a chopper.  As I was being loaded on the Flight for Life helicopter, I asked about our dog, who had been in the car with us.  I was then flown to the trauma hospital in Grand Junction, Colorado, where the true grief and devastation of what had just happened hit me. The hardest call I've ever had to make was letting my kids know that we'd lost such a critical part of our family!

As soon as I arrived at the ER, the nurses told me the police dept. in Moab had our dog.  She had been thrown from the vehicle, then found by one of the witnesses.  She was taken to the police vet with a shattered leg. Thanks to that department and several of my neighbors - plus a lot of vet bills - we were able to save her leg.  

I am so thankful to my family who all showed up as soon as they could after being notified. Both daughters came from the northern CO area around Ft. Collins; and our son and my daughter-in-law came from Phoenix. Our youngest was an over-the-road truck driver at the time and joined us when he finished his run. Nebalee took over all the mundane chores that go with instantly shutting down a business, and Deejo took over dealing with the insurance companies.  The girls also clothes shopped for me as everything with me had been lost in the accident, and my clothes at home were not right for my healing body.  The guys in the family got me set up with a replacement car, and replacement phone.  

I spent three days in the ICU, then was moved to a general floor for two more days.  We had a wonderful Zoom Thanksgiving dinner with all the family who had gathered back home.  

While in Grand Junction, GunDiva arranged for a final showing at a funeral home in Utah for me, so we could all say our good-byes.  Bill had wanted to be cremated so his body was not allowed to cross state lines, which meant we had to make the trip to him.  The director there was so very kind and even arranged for shipping his ashes home in exactly the kind of box he would have wanted.  

The kids got me released to their care and moved me back to Ft. Collins, where Nebalee's family graciously made room for me to stay - even giving me the master bedroom because it was the only bed I could get in and out of, and had a private bath. Nebalee took on the bulk of assisting with my day-to-day care, while GunDiva took over all the medical chores; getting me appointments, getting me to and from those appointments, and getting the meds. 

The kids also arranged for a memorial for Bill at the church in Allenspark.  He had never wanted anything fancy, but it was needed for the community, so they arranged for the church and a gathering afterwards at the lodge, with room to stay for out of state guests.  The weather was atrocious; cold, icy, and blowing snow, but the turn-out was huge!  I was allowed to go for only three hours because of my healing lungs and I was using a walker.  I literally got chased out of the lodge, but I was astounded at everyone who came.

I’ve endured the trauma of being blindly run over from behind by a person speeding while high on an illegal drug. I spent over a year in grief counseling learning to deal with the resulting PTSD, and the permanent loss of partial eyesight.  We had a thriving family business that was critical to the neighborhood that we lived in, that was instantly shut down due to the loss of half of its business partners and my injuries. 

We were one of the larger official bed-and-breakfasts in the state, running 11 rooms in an almost 5000 sq. ft. building.  Bill and I were the only full-time workers, and as we were entering the off-season, there was no one to take care of the business.  Due to my extensive injuries and the damage done to my lungs, I was not being allowed at high altitude. Winter in the Rockies can be very harsh and is devastating to structures if they're not being maintained.  Bill did all the maintenance.  I fretted over the damage being done to our building; pipes freezing and such; propane running out and no heat.  We had full lodge bookings for many of the weekends that winter.  I don't know how to describe the complexities of thought as to what to do about the business. 

Bill and I were in excellent health and good physical condition at the time of the accident, from our 25 years of operating the property.  We also had horses and worked very closely with the Livery directly across the road from us. Remarkably, I healed from the physical injuries fairly quickly, but it was still four months before I was given medical approval to return to the altitude at which I lived. 

We have a grandson who lived with us periodically during Covid, who was transitioning between jobs.  He kindly offered to move into the lodge as he knew how to operate the stoves and all the heating systems for the property.  He took a job at the local ski area and lived with me for the next year and a half for emotional support, and to help keep the business running.

Bill and I so thoroughly loved running the B&B, and it's such a huge part of the local business, that I wanted to continue running it.  It's full time work for two people so when my grandson wanted to move closer to his job due to winter road conditions, our youngest son asked if he could take over the business.  He and his new wife have moved into the structure with me, and he is in the process of learning the business.  So many changes over the last more than three years, due to one second in time!  I have not moved on; I am trying to live on in remembrance of Bill and the fantastic relationship we had.

I am willing to forgive Mr. Graska for his poor choice to operate a vehicle while under the influence of an illegal drug.  It would be much easier if he were to show some sign of remorse, or at least apologize. "Vengeance is mine," said the Lord, so my faith says that he will have some penance to pay at some time. My family's wishes, and mine right now, are to keep him off the road for as long as possible.  My desire is that he not be able to cause any other family this amount of grief."