Vacation, A Point of View

R-  Why do we go on vay-kay-shun Beel?

B-  We go on vacation to get away from work, Ranger.

R-  The trip to Can-suss was a lot of work Beel.  The drive took FOREVER.  And when we got there you and Waneeta went to eat with the nice Beth lady.  And we the horses stood in the rolling shed behind the smelly truck.

B-  They didn't allow horses in the diner, Ranger.  I think it's a Kansas law.

R-  That is not fair.  I could have brought my own hay.

B-  The booths were too small.

R-  Oh.  I liked the nice Beth ladie's house.  It had grass in front.  Too bad you would not let US eat.

B-  Sorry, it was a nice lawn.  And now it still is.

R-  Then we went for a long ride in the rolling shed AGAIN.  We stayed in it until the sun went away.  And the place we went to had rats. I could see them running on the grass.  BIG rats.  Rats as big as small dogs.

B-  Possums, Ranger.  They were possums.

R-  Monster rats.  Rat-a-sauruses.

R-  Then the next day the first ride of the vay-kay-shun was a lot of work Beel.

B- Now Ranger, the ground was mostly level with only a few smaller canyons to climb through, and there was MUCH more air than usual for you to breath.

R-  There were monsters in the bushes Beel.

B-  There were little, white tail deer sleeping in the brush by the trail, you nit.  Juanita and I were taking pictures of them when they decided they had had enough, and jumped up and bolted.

R-  They were attacking Beel.

B-  They were running away, you moron.

R-  Good thing us three horses were alert and got away very quickly.  Why were you shouting so loud Beel?  What is a "mudder forking deep sheet"?

B-  Those are words of power, Ranger.  People use them to irritate old women and expand the vocabulary of very small children.

R-  You never know what is going to attack you in a strange area. 

B-  You leap away from all the wrong stuff, Buddy. 

R-  I did not run from the hay-jumper by the trail now did I?

B-  If there was a grass hopper by the trail, it must have been sitting on THE RATTLE SNAKES TAIL, THAT WAS ABOUT 3 FEET TO YOUR LEFT WHEN YOU WANDERED BY.

R-   Well it sounded like a bug.

B-  I was just glad you didn't spook at it.  Like you did at the stream.

R- But there was big water Beel.

B-  It was a small stream, Ranger.  Maybe 60 feet or so across.

R-  Beel I am from Nee-va-duh.  If you can not step across the river it is a HUGE DANGEROUS TORRENT.

B-  We are in Kansas now, Toto.  Small stream.

R-  It was a huge dangerous horse drowning raging river.

B-  It was barely 3 and a half feet deep, you pin head.

R-  You are wrong Beel.  The river went up over over your ears.  I saw.

B-  It went up to my ears because while you were lunging through the mud in a panic, you fell.  And after I kicked free, YOU JUMPED ON TOP OF ME!  That is why my hat and head went under!

R-  Thanks for holding me up above the water Beel.  I almost drounded.  And I am NOT a "ice hull" like you sayed when we standed up.

B-  Well, I lost Juanita's camera I was carrying and the map of trails we were on, so you got to carry my sorry wet tush for an extra 4 or 5 miles because it took a while to realize the trail we were on had veered off to the other side of the lake, and wasn't headed back.  I about froze to death.  And the cold I had been fighting got a good hold on me.  AND IT'S YOUR FAULT.

R-  Well I was much braver when we crossed the deep waters 2 more times.

B-  I'm not sure it was bravery.  I think you were too tired to try to lope out of the stream, so you just didn't trip.

R-  Yes Beel.  I was tired.  Vacations are more work than work.